Twenty-Two

It was a Friday night. November. The 18th. Caleigh was over, and we were watching a chick flick. My phone buzzed with a text from Caleb.

"I miss you so much... maybe I can just come out there again for New Year's. It's been too long."

Uhum... What? A few weeks before I had been bold and told Caleb he should do just that. And he clearly responded that it was not going to happen.

So... why the sudden change, Caleb?

He kept going, and flattering me within his suddenly flirty texts. I asked if he'd been drinking. There was no reason why he'd be texting me out of the freaking blue, in the manner in which he was.

My mom stopped over, and I showed her Caleb's texts.

"Is he drunk?"

But no. Caleb had replied that he was innocently watching TV with his dad at their family farm in Missouri. They were hunting that weekend. He texted me late at night, even though he had to get up at 5 am to hunt.

It just didn't make sense to me. It felt different. Something was up. But, true to form, Caleb would go back to just being Caleb. My friend. My FRIEND Caleb. Nothing more, nothing less. By morning, it'd be back to normal.

Truth be told, I did enjoy it. I let him text me. I responded. I had fun. But I knew our good-night was a good-bye later that night. I knew when I went to sleep that I'd close my eyes all to open them to a phone with zero texts from Caleb.

I was stunned when I saw he had already texted me a good morning text when I woke up.

What was the deal? We texted all day. I told my mom and Caleigh, and they were amused. As was I. Caleb and I never kept up sparks for more than 24 hours. But then again, Sunday morning, he texted me a good morning text again.

Later that Sunday, I went to a wedding. Mom and Caleigh saw me texting Caleb a few times through the ceremony. At the reception, they commented on how it would sound if my name were "Shaina Arb." Silly fools, they were. That would never be my name. Although, I saw no reason to correct them.  I honestly was confused about how on earth the spell hadn't been rudely broken yet. I was still expecting it to happen anytime. For the silence. For the ending of the usual up and down. The "maybe I like you" actions to the "yeah, nope," conclusion.

I sat alone in my apartment that night, texting. Somehow we got on the subject of perfect model girls.
I had made a comment brushing "those girls" off, to which Caleb responded with,

"Shaina you are just as pretty, if not prettier by the way."

That did it. I leaned my head back and stared up at my ceiling, and felt my eyes fill up. He was getting to me. I felt my heart swell. I recovered and said thank you, and we continued texting the whole rest of the night. And the next day. And the next.

That Wednesday night something happened. Earlier that year I had given my songwriting to God, and asked Him to order my songs to be only about Him really. I was done writing songs that emotionally tied me to some guy that would just break me to pieces. I asked God not to let me write about a guy unless it was one God brought directly to me.

That night I was so frustrated. I sat down at my piano, and it happened. I wrote a song about a guy for the first time in nearly a year. And yes, I quoted lyrics from "Too Much," the first song i'd written about Caleb over 1 year and a half before.

Thanksgiving was that Thursday. It marked 6 days of nonstop texting.

The texts were starting to sound like this...

"Shai! I'm sorry I was caught up watching the game... how are you?"

Why was he sorry? What was he sorry for? And why was it necessary for him to know how I was that day?

Everyday.

By the end of that night, I had Zach cornered. We were driving to go see the new Twilight movie. Yes, Caleigh and I forced him. Zach was living in NC at the time, so I couldn't constantly ask him what was going on with Caleb.

Zach is one of those faithful guys. Like, if someone asked him not to repeat something, he wouldn't. It was incredibly irritating, especially when I was so desperate to know what was going on in Caleb's mind.

I tried weaving my way into a conversation that would give me something. Anything. I was so in the dark, and getting scared that nothing would come of these texting matches. I had been unattached, but it wasn't slowing down, and I was getting more attached. Eventually, I asked Zach, "Does he like... like me?"

"I dunno, why don't you ask him?"

WRONG. Yeah right! I'd never in a million freaking years ever ever ever ask a guy that ever! I had made it clear with the song I wrote the night before, called, "Say It First,"demanding he do just that. I should never, never, never have to ask a guy what he's thinking. He should be able to say it first, and keep me from the misery of guessing.

"Can you at least tell me he's interested?" I was desperate.

"I'm sure he's interested, that's clear..."

Whatever else he said didn't matter. I found the "bingo," and I had some information to keep in mind. He was interested.

But was I? Did the theoretical confirmation change anything? Was I in a strange place now, if I didn't know exactly how I felt? Was I leading him on?

I didn't know, yet. But it seemed I'd have time to figure it. And talking endlessly would help... he seemed to have no objections whatsoever.