The times, the times

I'm just going to say it. This blog will be pointless. But, I'm awake. I'd like not to be. But I share a house with 9 others, and I share a room with two others. On a night like tonight, I can't expect to be able to sleep right now. Tonight, when tomorrow morning my entire family leaves for VA for my uncle's wedding weekend. Tonight, when basically no one is ready. Tonight, when one sister who shall remain nameless decides it's that time.... that time to finally clean the room. I'm weary. Why do we have to clean now... seriously?

Anyway, I decided to blog for a few reasons. Writing calms me. Calm is a welcome thought. Another reason, I don't have much else I could be doing that takes little energy without feeling like I'm wasting my time. Another, I will finally post more than 15 posts in a month. So July 2010 will be the month with the most posts. Not that July should be the most extravagant by any particular means, but it's kinda fun anyway.

I'm not in a talking mood. I'm kind of in a mood where talking is not necessary. Sitting, staring at a screen, and typing... that's alright with me.

Waking up in the morning is going to be difficult. Especially since I know everyone will try to be the wise guy and get an extra 10 minutes with our eyes closed because we're all thinking the same thing... it's useless to try to get into the bathroom in the morning. One bathroom for 8 people... my parents got the downstairs one... so the rest of us are stuck with the one upstairs. So we try to out-sleep the next one... but because we all have the same idea, we end up still banging on the door because locking the darn thing is the lamest thing that could happen. And so... long ago we learned how to share a sink. While someone's in the shower. And while one is in the shower, two are currently spitting at the running faucet, and one maybe two are doing their hair in the same mirror a few others are checking the results of just using a toothbrush.

Tomorrow will be an adventure. Needless to say, so will this weekend. But momentous it shall be of course.

I'm pretty sure this wedding Sunday will be the end of this Summer of Weddings.... although I'm pretty sure the next ten years or so of my life will be The Summer of Weddings... heck probably the rest of my life, huh? Well, anyway, I actually get to go to this wedding. Shame on all my friends from school getting married and living all over the stinking country...

And so, I will say good night. I'm not sure when I'll get to sleep at this point... but here's to the times. Salute!

Simple

I'm just in a contemplative mood at the moment. I just got back from a walk with Caleigh, and it was so nice. Just flip flops. No hard core running or anything. I've been going for walks a lot lately. I love it. It's so simple. So serene. Using my feet at a walking pace causes my head to rotate at a walking pace too. Calm. But still going. It's refreshing, and I like it.

We stopped at a lake, and put our feet in the water. It felt good. Cool. The storm had shaken up the water, leaving it a little distressed, but still friendly.

We walked barefoot for a while, allowing the sand to brush itself off against the pavement.

I love the simplicity to life. It's the most complicated messed up concept... life... but it's so good. And I like it.

Oh I miss those days as the years go by

Today Katie Johnson (Whom I affectionately call "Pookie") posted a video of our floor from last year at Greenville College. The thing was nearly twenty minutes. Of bliss! Gosh, i love those girls so much. We had such an incredible year together. I can't imagine how different my life would be had I not lived it with them. It made me get so much more excited for this next school year. I have such high expectations. Now that I know where I'm going, I know a little bit more of what to expect. Last year, I only knew I was going to Greenville College. I didn't know the people that I'd meet. I only knew Zach would be there too. I knew I'd be doing music stuff, but I didn't know how. I knew I'd learn a lot, but I didn't know what.

This year, I know God is going to finish a lot of works He began. I know He's going to start up some wild and crazy things in my school that even I - high expectations and all- could not have dreamed myself. And I am a dreamer, mind you. He's going to do things in me that need to be done. He's going to do things with me and in me that I don't understand. He's going to confuse me and frustrate me. And I might cry and get upset. And I might feel desperate. But I just have this feeling... He's got some awesome things going on. He's got some awesome things He's going to do with this next school year in my life. My senior year of college. Shooooot!

I can't wait to get back to writing with Whitney (Whom I affectionately call Whinny, or Whitnock, or whatsoever comes to my head at the time). I can't wait to record in more random and crazy places when we finish a song. We've already recorded in the kitchenette. The bathroom. The prayer room. My bed at 5 am... it's been a wild journey with that one.

And Pookie... I can't wait to see her in her ridiculous and wonderful outfits. She makes a rainy day like the beach on the 4th of July. She and I... always on the road to absolute wellness. I got to be good friends with Katie (Pookie) in Wellness class last Fall. We loved eating healthy food together, and going to the gym. One of our mottos was, "I LOVE Greenville!!" We'd ride over the railroad tracks in her car on the way to the Annex. And people would probably think we were on something... so high with excitement for just life. It seemed unnatural. Not for the Pookies. She calls me Pookie too... :)

And Trina. I was so excited when we decided to be roommates for choir touring. When I found out that we'd be coming to New Jersey (the best state ever), I wanted my family to get to know her, because she was on my floor, 3rd Burritt East. I didn't really have that many friends in choir yet. I felt such an identity crisis at school for a while, because even though I was the age of freshmen, I was a junior. And then the Junior class was already a bit established, and they all had their ties. It's a small school... once a crew always a crew. I didn't know where to go right away. Naturally, since I was a transfer, people assumed I was a freshman. I got used to it... not sure what people were thinking when I was in classes with juniors and seniors, but oh well:) Anyway, Trina quickly became one of my best friends at school. It made me so happy. I was so excited to get to know this lovely lady. She's so genuine, beautiful in every way. My Love Language Buddy:) It was hilarious when people started mixing us up, when we look absolutely NOTHING alike. I guess our names sound a like... haha... it was fun:)

Of course my roommate from last year was wonderful too... Ali, (Whom I affectionately call Francine... she calls me a plethora of names too don't you worry) was always there for me. I don't know how many times I'd throw a "I'm five and I just want to cry and hold a fluffy pillow!" tantrum... she was always there to laugh at me and come hold me. Exactly what i needed. We'd have roommate nap time when we decided Chapel would just have to lack Shanda and Franda (That's Roommate for "Shaina and Ali"). We'd stay up for hours talking across our room about whatever came to mind. She'd be my fashion sense because we both knew she had it and I... well, she had it:) She'd let me know my hair was "lookin' good baby!" And my make up was, "Good job Shai:)" and she never ceased to love me. She would always share whatever was hers with me. I loved that. I felt bad because most of my gluten-free stuff was extremely limited... but We could act and behave like sisters. We were both from a family who knew the act of sisterhood. What's yours is hers. It worked well. I will miss living with Franny this year.

I'll never forget when Fran came home from being in a wedding one weekend. It was in May, and we only had a few more weeks of school. She was walking across the parking lot in front of Burritt, and I was walking out to study at the Union... we put our stuff down and she wrapped her arms around me, and I wrapped my arms around her. It had become a habit with us. We'd just hug. And wait till the other one started talking. Eventually we both talked about what dreadful happenings had transpired while the other was away. I had tears in my eyes as I stamped my foot. I always acted like a child with Fran... just for laughs. And Fran would act like my grandma or something... never quite figured that out, but oh, the joys of Shanda and Franda adventures. She had tears in her eyes, and we hugged again, and then picked up our stuff, and she walked up the endless stairs to room 312, and I walked out to the student Union as the sky continued it's stretch to midnight. I love that girl.

And then all the stories I could tell about everyone else... how much everyone means to me... I could never finish writing. But I can't wait to be with them all again. It's going to be a good year. Especially since Kirstie and I have already decided we will be going swing dancing every so often... get a bunch of cool people to come... it's going to be atrociously awesome. And we'll bring Taryn of course, because she'll be missing her husband like mad as he's away and she is finishing her last semester at the ville.

Well... time to get ready to teach some music!

And fyi... as I like people to know how I get my titles... Lady Antebellum, American Honey. Mmmmmm good stuff. For lyrics. i'd rather not taste it... not the biggest honey fan you'll ever meet. And so, fare thee well all.

High five

I have to say, every month I try to post more blogs than I did the previous month. Last month wasn't good. I didn't post as much. But I'm making a come back this month. I don't like posting blogs about seemingly nothing, so I try not to blog unless there's something to be said. But then again, I get lazy and then don't try. And sometimes when I try to write even when I'm not completely "there," it ends up being better than if I were "there."

I would like everyone to know, that Thursday if my favorite day of the week. Why? Because I like to write it, Silly! The T and the h look like they're dancing. that's all I wanted to say.

Man, I was totally "there" in this blog. High five everyone. High, five.

All your lovin'

So, I've been thinking. I think God has shown me something new.

I'm big on the word "blessing," you may know. It's a family thing, too. When we have family "roll call" it goes by blessing. For example, I'm Blessing #2, because I'm the second child. And Melodi is Blessing #8 because she's the 8th. You understand I'm sure... Anyway, it became a habit for me a while ago that I would pray that I would be a blessing in people's lives. I wanted to be a blessing to people.

But I think I had it a little messed up. My goal in life is not to bless people. My goal in life should be to bless God.

What I think I'm finding, is I had things a little bit backwards. For example, by constantly seeking to bless people, I'd naturally make the concept of "blessing God" secondary. But I really thought it made sense. If I bless my sister by doing something for her, I'm obviously blessing God. Like, what I do unto others, I do unto God. I thought that was fine. But really... shouldn't God come first? Shouldn't blessing others be an overflow of blessing God? Shouldn't blessing God be primary, therefore creating a rumbling of secondary reactions too?

If I'm blessing God, I'm obviously being a blessing to people around me too. It's a sure find. If I bless God, I am living my life in a way that would bless other people.

So I started thinking how this concept is comparable to everyday life. I love metaphors. I love applicable comparisons. I love breaking things down. I do that with almost everything in life. Sometimes I even chop my salads up so I can eat it more peaceably.

But isn't the concept similar to relationship with other people? Like we assume God is pleased with us because we know He understands our motives. He is so flawlessly loving He will always reward us for our efforts. He understands us when no one else does. And that is all true... He understands us, He knows our hearts, He knows the things about us no one else does.

But what about a situation we can relate to... like a couple in love. What if the girl decided her man knew her well enough not to feel bad if he came as a secondary concern in her life. Like if she were to constantly say, "Sorry Love, but I should hang out with this other girl tonight. She could really use some company." And instead of showing her love to her man, she holds on to the concept that he understands. After a while, I doubt that relationship could go on any longer.

Ok, I know it's a little bit of a stretch. But the punch line is this... it doesn't exactly cut it. Whatever we place as secondary importance in our lives, only gets the left overs from the primary.

I need to give God my first fruits of my love. Not just my money. Not just in my quiet time with Him. With everything. With the way I bless other people... I first need to seek blessing Him. That's never going to change. Not when I have a husband and kids... not when I have grandkids running around... not when I'm hanging out with the people most important in my life. Giving God the first fruits of my love should be my primary concern. When that's in alignment... everything else falls into place. Everything else that happens, everything else that affects the others around me, is secondary and happens on it's own.

There's a reason that our relationships with God are compared so powerfully and so many times to a relationship between a man and a woman. It's a relationship. It's about love. Devotion. And so I leave you with the wisdom of Four Tops:

Baby, I need your lovin'
I got to have all your lovin'
Baby, I need your lovin'
Got to have all your lovin'

They got it. Some of my love just don't cut it. My prime goes to the Lover of all time.

Good morning white people!

This morning was grand. I think I've blogged about how Caleigh and I are sharing a twin bed this summer. It gets rough. But we had a discussion recently that we've gotten really good at it. We haven't gotten in fist fights in the middle of the night for a few days now. But we woke up this morning, and of course found our mom sitting on the end of our bed. Sophia was just waking up too, and slowly Olivia, Lena and Melodi came in too. It's become pretty common this summer waking up to every female in my family practically on top of me. Sometimes even my grandma's there. It's hilarious.

My mom wanted to know about my day yesterday, since I was out. Cal kept snuggling up to me, but eventually got tired of it and went to brush her teeth. So Lena took her place. Melodi plopped on top of me and told me she liked my hair. Sleep still stuck between my eyes and reality, I lay there still in bed. The lights were on. The fan still cooling the air in the room.

It was just nice. That's all I wanted to say. I'm gonna miss it when I'm back at school.

Oh, and to explain the title... my dad used to wake Zach, Cal and I up in the morning by screaming that in our doorways and then opening our blinds to literally blind the sleep out of our hearts. It still stings sometimes. In all honesty I prefer all the williams ladies next to me instead of someone screaming at me. But it's ok. It's a good memory too.

No bondage in these streets

Back in September of 2009, Whitney Bentch and I wrote our first song together, called "To Your Throne." During that time I was reading... drum roll... in Exodus. Randomly. I just decided to read it bit by bit. And I read chapter 17, which is all about how as long as Moses kept his hands up, Joshua triumphed over the Amalekites.

I remember feeling struck with that. As long as Moses hands were raised towards heaven, the enemy was defeated.

Yes, Moses held the "staff of God" in his hands, and the passage does not say that Moses was worshipping the Lord by raising his hands. But, I could not get the image out of my head... Moses raising his hands to the Lord. And through those lifted hands came victory.

Some words in To Your Throne are, "There will be no bondage in these streets, there will be only victory. We will claim every battle in Your name, there will be only victory."

Worship is something the enemy cannot handle. As long as our hands are raised to the Lord, the enemy cannot win. This particular passage in the Bible does not state this explicitly. But I believe it's something God spoke to me through this passage.

Worship is a fierce weapon we have a Christians. It's powerful. It's an unearthly experience. It's untouchable to the enemy. We cannot fail when we worship. Sometimes, like Moses, we need help to even raise our hands. But that's ok!

I think my life would be radically different if I constantly looked to those around me seeking to be the one to help them "raise their hands" to the Lord. In the times when they tire. To share in the victory with them. It's precious. That's my two cents. I'm going to bed now.

This is what it is

Alright. I'm guilty. I said I was going to bed, and I am awake. At the very least I can say I'm sitting on my bed. That's gotta count for something.

So... I was going to go to bed after I read my Bible, but I just felt flooded with some stuff I just read. My plan was three chapters, because that's what's on the reading plan I sometimes follow when I feel like I can be receptive enough. However, I stopped after reading only one. I had enough to chew on. So i'm gonna chew some more and write about it.

I just read chapter 16 in Exodus. I know I just blogged about Exodus last week too. Like I said, I don't always follow my reading plan everyday... it really depends on what I feel like I need to read, or if I even have the right mind for reading what's on the plate for a certain day.

So in chapter 16, God gives the Israelites manna from heaven to eat in the morning, and quail at night . I love verse 15 when the Israelites first saw the manna...

"When the Israelites saw it, they said to each other, "What is it?" For they did not know what it was."

They went to Moses and asked him for an explanation, to which he replied that it was bread that the Lord had given them to eat. He then given further instructions to "take an omer for each person to eat," which was around 4 quarts. I have to say, I was kind of stilled as I read these words... I've read these words before, but like I said before... God just keeps opening my eyes to things I never noticed before about the same passages i've read and heard too many times to remember.

Verse 18 says, "And when they measured it by the omer, he who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little. Each one gathered as much as he needed."

God also gave the people very specific instructions. They were not to keep the manna until the next morning. But they didn't always listen and obey. Like verse 20 says...

"However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell. So Moses was angry with them."

However, God told Moses that the people were to gather twice as much Manna on the 6th day, in order that they may rest on the 7th day, the day of rest. Like verse 24...

"So they saved it until morning, as Moses commanded, and it did not stink or get maggots in it."

And man oh man are we stupid... verse 27...

"Nevertheless, some of the people went out on the seventh day to gather it, but they found none."

Poor kids...

Anyway, the parallels I kept seeing God show me through these verses made me very still, and also made me feel like a child being slapped with a foam noodle in a pool.

I mentioned a few days ago how I've just noticed how God has sort of taken me by surprise with a few things. Yes, I'm being a little vague, but work with me here. God gives me new things, and sometimes I have those new things for a while, and other times they're only in my hands for a matter of hours. He takes me on adventures that I could never prepare for, because I had no warning. And then, there are also the times when I have what feels like altogether too much time to prepare for things.

As I read Exodus 16, I saw some things similar to my own life. I think it's hilarious that they called it "manna" because the people didn't know what it was. And so does God give me bread everyday... and so often I respond with, "What is it?" I don't always recognize His providing Hand in my life. Goodness, God must slap his hand over his face and say, "How many times do you have to ask me before you accept something I give you?!"

Then as I kept reading, I found it absolutely stilling that God had His hand upon everyone getting exactly what they needed, as verse 18 says. How beautiful is that... "he who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little" They were each perfectly provided for. That is so beautiful. I can just see that as a perfect story of God saying, "Oh no you don't little one," to a child trying to gather his manna for the day and beginning to give up. Just then there would be a pile of exactly what he needed. Like God was saying, "You will not go empty handed My child."

No one had too much, and no one had too little. That's beautiful.

And here we go... another parallel in my own life. When the people tried to keep the manna until the next morning, there were maggots in it. SICK. Man, if I did that once, I would not do it again. That would terrify me. I'd be scared to eat it ever again even when it was fresh and good. Anyway, God gives us many gifts. He gives us new seasons of life, and gives them to us for very specific times. Our God is not a sluggish God who uses an egg timer whenever he feels like it. He is a God of order. He gives specific instructions.

In my life, after I understand and don't have to ask, "what is it?" anymore, sometimes I get really excited for the things God gives me. I get comfortable. I start to try to make good use out of what He's giving me. Just like the Israelites. They were only trying to be proactive. They were only trying to make the best use out of what they were given. Think about it... they tried to save some of what they gathered. It was food! It was good! They didn't have very much. They tried to save. But God told them he would provide everyday. He would give them manna everyday. When they tried to save their manna till the next morning... they were taking matters into their own hands. They weren't trusting. They may have had good intentions, but it was out of lack of trust in the Lord.

Ok... so I do this a lot too. God tells me He will provide for me. He will lead me. He will not forsake me. He will guide me. So when I get really used to His manna in my life, sometimes I take the "what is it" and turn it into my version of, "this is what it is," And I bring it back to God and try to reshape it. I try to save it till morning. But every day His mercies are new. When I try to plan every moment of my life off of living in the midst of ONE season of my life, it's just not gonna work. No dice man, no dice.

And so the Israelites were given some more instructions. They were told to gather manna for the 7th day on the 6th day. The people might have responded to that by saying, "OK Lord, so we can't save our food any other day, but we can today? Real crafty, God, real crafty!" So when the people tried to save the manna for the 7th day, it did not smell, and there were no maggots. If I were them, i'd be afraid to keep it. I would not want those stinking maggots in my bread! I'd probably go out on the 7th day and try to gather my manna just to be on the safe side. But the Israelites who did that found nothing.

Man... when God speaks... He means what He means.

And so my conclusion is this. God gives. And when He gives, He gives with a purpose. And when we don't receive what He gives, we hurt ourselves. When we do, we are blessed. And that is how it is. And I'm pretty sure saying that won't give me maggots. Good night!

Some thoughts on worship

Hello loved ones:)

OK, so tonight I started my online worship class for Greenville.

One of the things I just wrote a response on, was different worship styles. I had to watch a number of videos of worship songs at different churches, observing the "effectiveness" and "genuineness" of the different worship "situations." Wow that was a lot of quotations... anyway, I could go on and on but the bottom line I always get to is this: worship is worship, no matter how in the world it is carried out. I highly doubt anyone in the states would feel completely at home around a bonfire in Africa with half clothed people dancing and wailing. But hey... that can just as easily be worship to those people as sitting in wooden pews was for my dad's parents.

Worship is highly influenced by culture. It is highly influenced by standard comfort zones of the people that make up a specific church. Each church's culture is a little bit different. For example, today in my church, there was a woman behind me who was dancing and taking up the space behind the last row of the overflow section. That would be ridiculous in a Baptist church in my area where it's much quieter and more conservative. Does that mean that the woman's dancing was not a fragrant and pleasing offering to the Lord? Heck no! The culture is different in different churches. Different denominations stress and emphasize different aspects of doctrine and teachings. Those things are boldly evident in certain worship styles. I know some churches who are quite selective in the songs they use for worship. Some churches do not use the word "I" or any first person pronouns in their worship. They seek to draw as little attention to "self" as possible. That reflects some of their doctrine.

I honestly don't have one specific point that I'm seeking to bring home... I'm just thinking and going over a bundle of thoughts as they come. I learned so much from my Intro to Worship class last semester I can hardly contain it all. It overflows and bubbles out of me. I have answers for so many questions I used to ask. I know what I'd say when questioned about people being "showy" in worship. I know how to respond better in situations where I'm the one who's rather uncomfortable in an unfamiliar worship setting.

It's so good to be knowledgeable about the history of worship. I love that I can draw conclusions now about worship because I know where the ideas evolved from.

Dr. Hartley taught my Intro class, and he is honestly one of my absolute favorite professors I've ever had. He's so intelligent, and still entirely open and receptive to our lowly states as college kids;) He had use memorize hundreds of terms I had never heard before from all of the different denominations and ways of worship. We read a number of books on the history of worship. I simply love being a music major. While I was taking Intro, I was learning a lot of old songs that were in the church in the Middle Ages and such, that were long ago banned from the church. The church used to prohibit music within the walls of the church. Crazy, right?

Well, worship has taken several different shapes and forms. And what a blessing and incredible gift to have been given the opportunity to even worship the God of all. I love using music to praise Him.

Anyway, I'm going to go to bed now I think. many thanks to anyone who read this... I've been doing a lot of journal-like entries lately... good night world:)

Pass it down the line honey

Just gonna spill some thoughts before I head out tonight...

I've just been thinking about how I try to plan my life. I am a planner. I take things as they come, but try to work with each item God gives me. Like I'm in an assembly line with all of Creation, one thing handed to me at a time.I try not to go so fast that I hardly realize the things being passed to my hands and onto the next pair awaiting. I try to make use of everything. I like to think I'm making the most of things that way. But God doesn't always play by my rules, even when I think I'm playing by His.

It's quite uncomfortable when I feel like I've gotten the hang of cherishing moments God places in my hands, and then he gives me a new way.

I feel like God makes me do back flips when He just taught me how to do front flips. I feel like I'm doing it all wrong. I had only just gotten used to the old ways. My response is usually something like,

"God, if I do that, I'll crack my jaw."

And he's like,

"If you don't pay attention you'll crack your back."

Usually shuts me up...

And so, in the assembly line of life, I feel like every set of new things God teaches me, are only for a time... He's gonna keep on passing things down the line.

And so that's my thought for tonight.

A date with an olive

In a matter of minutes, my sister Caleigh and Sophia will be home once again! After nine days in Haiti, we're all so excited to see them. I grew accustomed again to having Cal around since I've been home for the summer. I learned how to call her a lot while I was away, but it got to be natural and easy to be together all the time. I have missed her so much. Sophia too.

I can't wait to hear all about their trip. We've all been praying so much for them, and I know God is only beginning work in them as they went on this mission trip. I wish I could have gone. Some time soon, I will go to Haiti.

My family is so precious to me. Last night I took Olivia on a Twin Date. In my family, the line up is: boy, girl, girl girl, boy, girl girl, girl. And it's literally like the same set of kids reduplicated. The second set looks like the first set. The line up of Zach, me, Cal, Soph, Nate, Liv, Lena and Meli..... Zach and Nate don't look too much alike, but Live and I do, Lena and Cal do, and Soph and Meli do. It's actually hilarious.



So the younger kids take pride in their grown up images, and they're our "family partners." In crowds, we have a buddy to look out for. Liv is my look-alike, so I have her. Same for Caleigh and Lena, and Sophia and Melodi. And Zach and Nate are just the only boys so they naturally embrace their manhood together.



Last night I had such a good time with Liv. She's a complete nut. I remember being a lot like her. Stubborn and basically crazy. She got ice cream everywhere. I'm not sure how. I accidentally flung some of it down her shirt as I used a spoon to try to carve the melting mess cleaner... instead it went down her shirt... I said I was sorry in the midst of our shared obnoxious laughter. She's growing up. It's a little frightening. I forgot when I grow a day older, she does the same.



We had fun taking pictures as the sun was setting behind us. The self timer was a little wacky but we eventually got some fun shots.



Definitely could have zoomed in some.... but I still love this picture.



I kept making my little Olive sister wash up in the lake after she was coated in chocolate ice cream, and soon she asked me if it was alright to just go all the way in. I told her she could. I stayed out and took pictures of her as she swam around. There were a few other people in the water, but she didn't need anyone else to be entertained. She did flips for me as I sat by the water and watched her. She's a total fish. You'd think her ribs are gills.

Anyway... time to get ready to welcome two other sisters back into Williamsville!

Flawless Fruit

As I sit here, Nathan, Melodi and I are dining on steamy popcorn. Their request for this morning as I babysit. The rain is collecting in miniature pools outside, and going for free falls off the umbrella on the porch. My sweatpants are on, which ensures a wonderful morning. I already had my coconut for the day, and so the day is already well.

Lately I've felt more inspired than usual. Which is odd, considering I have sort of been slacking with my blogging. I usually can't keep myself from writing. And it's not that I don't know what to write. It's more due to the fact that I don't know what to say, or where to start. It's kind of really nice.

I suppose I can admit I didn't have the highest expectations for this summer. I didn't know what to expect. I've gone through a number of changes in the past year or so. I became perfectly satisfied with my life at Greenville, to the point that I didn't know what to do being somewhere else for an extended period of time. I'm all about change. I like adventure. I am fully capable of embracing change. It's exciting. It feels like swallowing cold water first thing in the morning. I enjoy it. It feels good. It's energizing. But when it's a mystery what you're swallowing... it's a little harder to stomach what you're unsure of.

This summer has proven to be surprising. I never expected to hate it by any means... I guess I assumed I'd float through it in some ways, which is basically completely lame. But I've met new people that have richly blessed my life. It's kind of funny to think how meeting people is not something I plan on doing. I never thought at the beginning of the summer, "I can't wait to meet people!" It's home. I already know people here. I don't anticipate meeting new people. It's a funny concept. If I know people already, who else could there be? This summer I have met a lot of new people that I hope I always know. I've gotten to watch a few of my best friends fall in love, and watch some pretty lucky guys fall in love with them in return. I've gotten to train a lot earlier in the summer than I did last year. I've gotten to spend a lot of time with my parents this summer. I feel like I know my parents better than I ever have before. My younger siblings and cousins are growing up. It's freaky. But I've gotten to spend more time with them, and get to know them. They have stories to tell. It's awesome.

I love being around people that bring out great things in me. Where it's completely comfortable, and open for me to be exactly who I am, and space for me to be who I'm becoming. It's refreshing. Calming. It's beautiful.

Being around these kinds of people is like the difference between how you feel after you eat super sugary candy, and fresh fruit. Besides obvious differences, they're both sweet. They can satisfy a sweet tooth. But afterwards... the aftermath is much different I dare say. The way I feel when I'm with these people is comparable to how I feel after eating perfect, ripe, and satisfying fruit as opposed to downing a bunch of crap. I'm obviously not in the most poetic of moods. It's not my concern. I just know I need to sit myself down and write.

I feel refreshed. I feel the Lord speaking to me. I can see His hand in my life. I can see Him leading me, and challenging me so that the times I feel in control and sturdy, he knocks me off my feet. But I'm learning to laugh at His antics and take hold of joy when I fall on my crooked back. Yes. I miss my chiropractor in Greenville.

And so, this morning, I am a very thankful person. I am so happy. Life is so good. It's confusing and ridiculous, and absolutely hysterical at times. It makes no sense much of the time. Which makes for a good time. And so, as I close this journal-like blog, I feel like I just finished a perfect plate of flawless fruit. It's good.

For such times as these

Today while I was teaching Latin, I had the best moment. I drove over to the house, and parked my truck. Walked up to the door, and little Caroline opened the door for me. I set my stuff up, and Arthur Lee (they're the cutest southern family ever) got his notebook out, and searched for a pencil.

His mom came and sat down as I worked on the dry erase board. I started my lecture on discussing the differences between 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person. I asked Arthur Lee to give me a sentence in 1st person, and in 3rd person, leaving 2nd person for last. I was about to launch into Imperatives, which require a drum roll for 2nd person.

And so I gave an example of 2nd person for him.

"You are wearing a white shirt." I told him. Bam. 2nd person is "who you're talking to." I was probably boring the poor 8-year-old to death.

I turned towards him, the orange marker in my hands, and told him, "Now your turn. Give me a sentence in 2nd person."

He looked at me. His usual 8-year-old boy squirming stopped for a second as he said, "You, are very pretty."

His mom gave a laugh, as did I as I said that was the sweetest thing ever... and then went back into my lecture.

I might have just gone right back into teaching. I might have gone back into saying over and over again, "First person is who is speaking, 2nd person is who you're talking to, and 3rd person is who you're talking about." Blah blah blah.... but it was one of the finest moment in my teaching experience. I teach, for such times as this. It made my day. It was so so adorable.

Wanna trade?

So I feel like I'm always saying I'm reading through Exodus in the Bible... I guess I just love that book. I just always find so much in it... like I could never read it enough times and get everything out of it. Like a soaked rag... I could squeeze and twist it till I can get not another drop to run off of it... but it's still wet. And so, this is another wring through of this book...

I am always stumped at Pharaoh's stubbornness. So many times I just think, "Dang dude... let the freakin' people go!" Hah... as if I don't know how the story goes... anyway, this time I was struck. Basically I'm just like him. For the first time I realized how similar I am to Pharaoh. He tried so hard to maneuver his way around what God was really asking from him. How many times Moses told him what God was asking... and Pharaoh wouldn't listen. His heart was hard. He knew what God was asking. For the Hebrew men and women and children to be set free. After the plagues of blood, frogs, gnats, flies, the plague on livestock, boils, and hail, Pharaoh starts to maybe possible soften... and he says the men can go.

Exodus 10:11 says, "No! Have only the men go; and worship the Lord, since that's what you have been asking for."And then Moses and Aaron were driven out of Pharaoh's presence.

Bam. That's when the Lord sent the plague of locust. That was not what the Lord asked for. He didn't say, "let my people... as in only the men...go." No. He said all of them.

Holy crap, don't I do that all the time? I settle for only letting the men go when God tells me to let all of His people go.

That was a weird way to put it... anyway, the point is, when God tells me clearly, "Shaina Joy, love that person." And what do I do? I might smile at that person once or twice. Ahhh the job is done! On to the rest of my life. Right? Sonofuhgun! No! That's not it! That's not what He told me.

When he asked me for my life, I say, "Ok, here you go Lord. Do what you will." And yet, I don't let all of His people go. He is constantly asking for everything.

God commanded Pharaoh to let His people go. It's such a common phrase... even to the unchurched. "Let my people go." We know the story even if we didn't grow up in a home where the Bible is practically another person living in the house with the rest of the family.

Well, in my life... how many phrases are used over and over again just like, "Let my people go"? A whole great too many.

"Shaina Joy, let your bitterness go." And I fool myself into thinking I'm letting my bitterness go by changing one word or action for a moment.

"Shaina Joy, let your jealousy go." And I convince myself I'm wrung out when I only twisted the soaking rag once.

"Shai, let your anxiety go." And for some reason I expect painting my toe nails to be the spiritual act of releasing anxiety.

"Shaina. Let your pain go." And I just write a song about the pain instead.

So many things He's told me to let go. And yet I only get the half of it. If that. I do something about what He's telling me... but I don't do WHAT he's telling me.

The point I'm getting at, is God still sent the plague. He sent the locust. Immediately. God didn't say, "Oh, good one Pharaoh! I'll take that!" As if they were trading silly bands...

Hah... yes I did just use silly bands as an illustration. But seriously... what is it with those things? I have one on my wrist right now. As I teach my countless students through the week under the age of 10, not a class goes by without one of them asking what my silly band is. They'll ask me, "Wanna trade?"

I'll be writing on my dry erase board with my students behind me, and turn around to find one of them putting a silly band on the other's wrist. They attempt trading in the middle of conjugating moneo in Present Active Indicative... I advise them to pay attention... (haha... i'm a nerd. Those of you who know Latin know I just translated that word into this sentence. And it makes me so happy indeed) but they get so excited about trading silly bands.

A few times I've seen some kids in the midst of their trading and someone spots a silly band they just have to have. The opponent reacts defensively... that silly band is their favorite. They negotiate. Maybe they'll get four silly bands for that one silly band. An even exchange. They really value that one!

I find myself the child with the silly bands quite often... metaphorically. I'm sticking to my story that I only have one, and it's from my sister Liv, and I wouldn't trade it even if you offered me four:) Anyway, when God tells me he wants one of my silly bands, I try to negotiate with Him.

"I'll give you this one instead."

And He sticks to His story, and tells me the one He wants.

"I'll give you four instead. This one's cool. It's a dinosaur. You'll like it."

I expect God to be pleased with me when I avoid the bottom line. I expect Him to think I'm doing what He asked.

Well, Pharaoh never got away with it. So far I haven't gotten any locust plagues... but how is what I do every day something different?

Something I've learned of God especially in the past few months is He is the ultimate pursuer. When I ache to be pursued in this world I don't always remember how much I'm already being pursued. And He is constantly pursuing me to let more and more go, and to give myself more and more completely to Him.

The things I can never keep in my head... is that when we're "trading silly bands" with God, we ALWAYS get the better half of the deal. When he asks for one of ours, he gives us more than can even fit on our wrists. And then we look like several of my students who can hardly bend their elbows because they have so many.

So, I'm preaching to myself. That's all I got right now.

Only for Pookie

Brickfish Social Media: Dinosaurs Are Extinct. Dells Aren't.


This video is by my darling friend Katie Johnson from school. She's rather odd, and sort of weird, but it makes me love her so much more, and also compels me to call her... Pookie:) Vote for her video, so she doesn't beat me up when I go back to school and live next door to her. Awesome.

.....but I wanted roses...

This morning in church, Pastor John taught on Galations chapter 6, verses 7-10....

(7)Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. (8)The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. (9)Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (10)Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

He mentioned how seeds are very particular little specimens... if you plant a pumpkin seed, it will surly not sprout up a hedgehog. Whatever seeds you plant, are what you get. Makes sense so far, right? Then he went on and honestly, I'm not sure if I just started my thinking wheels or if he said this himself in his message... but planting is not the only thing that goes on before the reaping.

I just read a book called, "Leota's Garden," by Francine Rivers. Love that woman's words... she's so good. Anyway, the book mentioned a good deal of the care that this little old crippled lady spent on her garden. Agonizing hours. Her fingers blistered. Her back ached. Her nose was constantly whipped by the heat of the sun. Her knees were blackened by the relentless embraces of the dirt.

Ok, so let's back track. We reap what we sow. Got it. Bam. Understood.

Ok, so we put a seed in the ground, and it will grow. Ok, class that's all today, you can all go home, see you tomorrow. False. That's not where it ends. If our fingers aren't getting blistered, if our backs don't ache, if our noses aren't sunburnt, and if our knees don't resemble my feet after a few days at Creation, we didn't finish the job.

If we were to simply decide what seeds to plant, and then walk away, it's like saying we forgive someone, and then continuing to living in bitterness. It just doesn't meet up.

We won't get roses, even if we planted the right seeds if we didn't carry through the work. If we didn't work to keep the seeds in the ground, if we didn't weed the crap that tries to wrestle with the growing harvest, if we didn't clip what needed to be clipped, and water what needed to be watered.... nobody's gonna have any flowers to pick.