Weeding and Waning but always Gaining

I am going home tonight! Countless times I have balked about this semester's load... and I'm about to do it again. But I'm feeling rather accomplished at the moment. Only two more tests to go today, then a few more classes, and a voice studio class (singing for everyone... I'll be crossing my fingers.... good thing I have good sight singing training ahh!), choir and then on the road to the STL airport. Hallelujah! 

I'm on a high right now. I just feel so amazed how much god blesses my life, and how He holds me in His hands. I was reflecting on a passage of Scripture I went through a long time ago.... something in 1 Samuel I think. How precious it is to have a "prophetic voice of God" in your life. Someone that God speaks to you through. And some people are lucky to have one person like that in life. I have so many! My siblings, my parents, my pastors and precious friends... even though God weeds and wanes people in and out, He never abandons. Like when Don and Josie moved two years ago, I felt such a catastrophic loss of the voice of God. Just like in the Bible, I really want to say it was Samuel, but I'm not sure. But he felt the loss so deeply. He grieved not only his dear friend, but he grieved the absence of something greater. I missed Don and Josie terribly for a number of realistic and understandable reasons. But I missed and yearned deeply for the prophetic leaders they were to me, and still are in many ways even now.

Ahhh Greenville... this Free Methodist college comes at me with so many theological challenges. I never would have come up with saying, "the oceans have free will too you know!" in response to justify theistic evolution in COR 302.... to which I am opposed. But even though I struggle a bit with a great many interpretations of Scripture, I'm very thankful for this time of realizing again what and why I believe. I have a feeling I would be challenged quite a bit by my fellow classmates about things I only just typed.... "What do you mean 'prophetic'?!" My (insincere)  apologies to anyone offended... I'm not ashamed to be one of the few "pentecostals" on campus;)

I'll have to look up that passage I keep thinking of... my Bible is already packed in my bag to leave in only about 5 hours for the airport... and yes, I am absolutely counting down. It doesn't mean life will now be clouded in warm soft safety. But it does me I can bask for just a little while in the pillowing gentleness that only home can bring after weeks of need for just that. 

I also just started reading a book last night, that I could hardly put down... why am I so dense that I somehow think I can read a book instead of my homework or practicing? I beg your understanding, as I really did not expect to get sucked in nearly as crazily. I was hardly fitful either in attempt to stop reading. I just went with it and decided I certainly have earned a break to read The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers. One of the best authors. Ever. 

And so I close, as the weather outside quietly and warmly tugs on the budding arms of the trees that wave to me from beyond my window pane. The young flowery petals burst open their eyes to see the new life around its own new life. The grass takes on the appropriate name as we live in a town called Greenville. Today would have been a great dress day. But I decided to be proactive and wear clothes I want to have at home when i get there, saving room in my bag:) Gosh, I am made to be a mom... anyway! This likely concludes the March issues!

I couldn't get you out of My head

Why does it have to rain? When it rains it just gets cold. I wanted to wear a dress today. But it's raining. And some may argue that wearing a dress will contradict the weather enough to make me feel better. But no. It would only make me colder. I miss the sun. I don't mind sweating as long as it's naturally induced. In church today, it was so hot. Humid, full of artificial warmth that made me feel light headed.

I know it may seem that I am in a complaining mood. But really, I'm just contemplative. Today is Palm Sunday. I miss my church. I miss getting the palm branches. We didn't do that at the church I go to here in Greenville. And I admit I was spacing a little during the sermon. I just continued reading through the Gospel of Mark on my own, as the pastor's monotone voice never lifted in my grasping hearing. Hosannah. It comes from a Hebrew word meaning "save." All I could hear in my head was Dave Blocker singing, "Save us! Save us Lord! Hosannah, Hosannah!" And then the rest of the Come Alive choir coming in singing, "Save us, Save us Lord, Hosannah, Hosannah!" I actually miss it. We did that Cantata that lasted all through Holy Week twice. I doubt I'll ever forget those songs.

So, when Jesus was coming into Jerusalem, they were crying out praises that come from a word meaning "save." Jesus hadn't been crucified yet. They were still awaiting the Savior. So why do I still feel as though everyday I still must cry, "save me Lord"? It's like every morning I sigh His name, asking for strength in my silence. Lately, every morning when I crack open my eyes, I use my hands to stretch out my face as I breath in deeply. It's a decision to let the breath back into the room from my lungs in a quiet manner. And then I toss my covers and pillows aside, and begin. Everyday I need to receive Him again. Everyday Hosannah is a needed, desperate cry.

Our God is so good. His compassion overwhelms the fallen and causes them to stand again. It's so overwhelming it makes black turn to white. And it's so overwhelming, it causes me to be still. It causes me to hardly even enter in, closer than I am sometimes, because I don't even know what to do. Sometimes I just exist and know, and that's all. I know He is holding me. I know He is the lover of my soul. I know He's holding my heart, and my hands, and my feet, and my voice, and my face in His hands, staring deeply into me until I can stare back at Him. It's too much for me. Sometimes I don't even have the energy to stare back. But He won't stop! He won't look away...

When I was on a missions trip to Mexico with my youth group in 2007, we went to LA first for training with YWAM. There was a "commitment service" that was basically just prayer, and seeking the Lord. And the Lord spoke to me that night. He gave me this vision.... it was like I was watching a movie screen...  I saw Jesus, and it was like the whole journey to Calvary was re enacted. But I was in front of Him the whole time. And His eyes stayed locked on me. He didn't look away. His eyes never swayed away from me. They whipped Him. His eyes stayed on me. They beat Him. His eyes stayed on me. They spit, they cursed, they fought. His eyes stayed on me. And as He was raised on the cross, His eyes never closed from the vision they gave.... me standing before Him. And then I was overwhelmed with the voice that said, "I just couldn't stop thinking of you. I couldn't get you out of my head!" 

I believe God gave me that vision. I don't take prophecy and visions from the Lord lightly. I weigh them out, seeking discernment, but I believe God showed me some of His heart that night. And as I wept into my knees curled up to my face, I was absolutely broken in His love for me. His love for each person. He could only think of me. He could only think of you. He could only think of us. 

When I got home from that trip, I co-wrote the song "Prodigal." One of the lines was, "I couldn't get you out of my head." Oh the desperate love our Savior endures every moment... 

I'm not sure. I've never understood in this way. I didn't know... what a powerful Lover He is... how can it be? 

I'm silenced by His love, in a way I've never been silenced by any other love. I'm broken, I'm unmotivated. I'm lazy... I can hardly open my Bible... I can't focus... I'm desperate to breathe, and get these weeks over with. 

So as I sit beside my Bible, unintentionally hearing the slurs of gathered rain bubbling the streets as cars tread over them absent mindedly, I remember and experience this day. As the people cried out, it is also true of me. I relive this desperation of Palm Sunday in a new way, today. Desperate for salvation, so am I desperate to receive it again in His loving desperation for me. As I whisper in my spirit, "Save me Lord," So He comes back at me with those eyes, "I couldn't get you out of my head." 

Portraits from a rather odd angle

Friday night. How sweet the sound. That saved a wreck like me. OK, so I'm not that stressed out, but I'm glad this week is over. It will forever be remembered as one I'd likely wish to forget. But banished to eternal memories inside my head, as a songwriter I know once said... :P This semester really has been extremely demanding, and I still feel like I haven't given enough. My 4.0 standing is not there, and I guess I'll have to just forgive myself and just keep on trudging though right? 

I haven't blogged all week. Not that that's extremely odd. But contrary to absence of ability I've possessed previously this week, I feel like writing right now. In no way am I in my best of sorts, but that's alright. Today I found out some exciting and slightly alarming news. Next Spring, I'll most likely be graduating with my Bachelor's Degree in Contemporary Christian Music with a Worship Arts track. Voice emphasis of course... but I think today it really hit me. In one year, I'll be done. I'll be done college! 

It's really odd. I'm surrounded by people my year... I'm constantly with juniors and seniors. Since I'm in certain classes with them, they know I'm a junior. Not to be confused with those who think of and call me a freshman.... I can't blame them. But, we're in the same boat, yet in completely different waters. How is this possible? I'm 19, they're 21 and 22. They're off getting jobs, and I'm still scrambling trying to find a matching shoe (that metaphor was used for rhyming reasons... just fyi in case you missed it). 

In all honesty, I'm really excited. It will help me really trudge through, and press forward. And for the first time in my life, I see my life laid out before me, with miles to go. When I graduated High School last year, I didn't exactly worry about what to do with my life. I've always had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to do, so it didn't scare me very much. It excited me. And I also had more college ahead of me. When I graduated BCC last year, I was also very excited. I was really relieved and proud to have accomplished what I did. But I guess I only saw it as a stone in my path of stepping stones leading to where I was going. And next year, I'll have gotten to where I'm going. It'll be the end of my undergrad education. 

I guess what I'm realizing, is I can see a peak. It's like for years and years, I've been in school. Every morning i'd wake up in my homeschooling home, and know many math problems were to be solved (after crying pathetically and basically making my mom cry too), many papers were to be written, and many heartbeats within beautiful daphnia were to be counted.... I'll never forget my science fair projects. Those Daphnia and C. elegans were practically my children. Although I'd sincerely like to think my own children will be more attractive than insect-like microorganisms... 

The stages of my life thus far have had one thing in common-- education. And in only one more year, that common ground will be changed. I'm not sleeping in a host's home tonight, yet I find myself wondering, "How did I get here?"

In truth, I think I'd probably get bored if I were in the same place for too long. I like forward motion. I like getting where I'm going. There are times I do get sad that I don't have very much time here at Greenville as a whole, but other times I'm glad I can actually see the end in some respects. Almost everything in my life has been spent over two year intervals. I was purely in "high school" for two years. I was all at BCC for two years, and then I'll be at Greenville for two years. 

I know I still have weeks to go of my Junior year, and my senior year is still to be lived and hopefully lived well. I know I still have people to be met, and tests to be taken. And most frightening... a senior recital to be planned, and executed and several juries beforehand to be passed. So I like to think all of those things will go well. So here's my optimism that the plan will go forth and be be prosperous. 

So what am I doing while everyone else in my year is applying to grad schools, and working on internships and occupational issues? I'm thinking. I'll get there. I have a million things going on my head right now. Like a clock with multiple hands spinning each direction... at some point they're all bound to stop somewhere. And here's hoping they land on the same destination. 

So I guess the conclusion is, I see my life. I see my life as a thing yet to be grasped. Whatever happens now is not the end of my life. I need to keep stretching out my hands until I grasp it. Actually, I don't know how that means anything. I just like to make metaphors. But, it's such a weird limbo land to be in this position. With all the wide eyed wonder and sometimes frightened heart of someone my age, yet with the same open doors of those much older than I. I don't feel like it's too much too soon. I think I'm ready. I just think I'm seeing it all from a rather odd angle. An angle that no one could really predict for me. 

And so, I conclude this journal-like blog by acknowledging the fact that I eat my (gluten free) cake before I even bake it. Now while in reality that could be a very bad, and physically disturbing thing, in the world of my mind, it refreshes me, and invites me to continue. To look on what is before me, and yet to occur, and take heart that it indeed is good, and handed by Hands that guide and protect me all the days of my life. And so concludes my portrait this evening. And now my blood shot eyes may find rest once more at this indecent and exhausted hour. 

Lo we've returned to the ville of green

And lo, I find myself on my bed at Greenville. I have gained an hour back to my life as a reward for the exhaustion I've endured these past 10 days. And for this hour, I am quite grateful.

This morning's final concert was one we'd all like to forget. We lost pitch a great number of times... we were flat. Very flat. My voice was completely shot, and so I lip synced everything but some lower things. In fact, I sang alto some of the time when I had altos next to me. My voice was not trustworthy in higher ranges. In addition to one first soprano being out, another one was sick today, and she sang even less than I did. Her voice is the strongest out of the 4 or 5 top sops.... and i think in addition to us all being quite tired after 10 days of touring with less than agreeable amounts of sleep, without the sops keeping as strong hold on hight of pitch, we all suffered as a group. We ended up cutting a list of songs, causing our concert to be (thank the Lord) shorter than usual. 

We came back to a rainy Greenville, but Trina pointed out that the grass was green! Greenville is on it's way to being green once more!

Coming back from tour (aka Spring Break for choir members) was tiring, and somewhat sad. It felt weird to come back here from being with my family for such a short amount of time. And riding back to Greenville with the choir, leaving my NJ home behind. But a reminder that my life is to be lived, wherever I am. 

When we unloaded back at Whitlock (the music center), we all crowded in the recital hall, and sang together again. We sang the "theme song" for Gville, and then all held hands and prayed together by singing The Lord Bless You and Keep You. It teared me up. This was the last tour for our seniors, and possibly the last tour for the Juniors, depending on if Doc takes sabbatical next Spring. Which means I may not experience this again at Greenville. And it was just so amazing spending these past 10 days with all of those people. I was so blessed. And blessed to sing a blessing over each other this time, instead of our audiences. 

I know the Lord taught me a few things on this tour. One thing, is that it is His heart that we love each other, even when it's more painful to love someone who causes us pain. Without getting into detail, I think God has shown me love is always the answer, even in pain. Even in misunderstanding, and in times I'd rather slap someone across the face:) 

It was an exciting week for the other choir members too for various reasons. Some relationships began, and others continued, which was of course a common topic among the snoopers sitting in seats beside and behind the choir couples:P I am a very reflective person. I'm a thinker, often too deep for my own good. Being among the "choir couples" for a nonstop 10 days of course makes me think they get spoiled from having their significant others around everyday. They're lucky.

Getting to see Bomb, and Laura was awesome too:)

Well! I think I'm gonna end this one now. Into another week in the Ville of Green! And a day off from choir tomorrow! Praise the Lord (All ye gentiles)!

"I'm sorry mama, I'm just an idiot."

I am still on the bus of course. We're about to watch a movie. We did some more limericks. Jen Snarski wrote mine. It was really cute. To the tune of "I Dream of Jeanie" it was "I dream of Shaina." It was cute. Although she mentioned i'm a "Sweet little freshman," I guess I'm used to being thought of as a freshman. Maybe I'll just have an unveiling party when I graduate next year and everyone  will shout, "What are you doing here?" And then come to know the truth of my identity. Anyway, I have yet to read my limerick.

We are now watching wall-E.

OK, so this is a story I have to share. It was horribly adorable.

Yesterday Trina, Jay, Brad, Jess, and the other Jay were walking around DC. We were walking through the Vietnam memorial, and a young little boy about 3 years old or so, was touching all the names behind us. His mother scolded him, and he looked up at her and said, " I'm sorry mama... I'm just an idiot." I couldn't believe my ears! He called himself an idiot! And his "mama" said back to him, "No honey, you're not an idiot, you're just excited!" And so Jay and I heard it, and were cracking up, trying to be respectful in the memorial.... it was difficult. I might have looked like I was just struggling not to cry from all the names... 

But that's all I wanted to share. It was hilarious and so cute, but so sad. 

Sore feet, retreating voices, and shutting eye lids

So much for writing everyday... but you better believe we were in the coun-traaaay many nights. No internet. HIlarious how we expect there to be internet, but still not everyone has it. 

Today is Saturday, the travel day. We have about 10 hours of driving today, and no performance. No performance is the best part, because my voice is basically gone. Last night we sang and Andrea McPherson's church in Maryland. We were all so exhausted, but the concert itself went pretty well regardless. Not our best by any means, but better than our rehearsal would have suggested we'd do. I have to say it really wouldn't have been fair to judge how our performance would go by our rehearsal though.... many of us were trying to save our voices, so that the concert would be better. I think it paid off.

Last night Trina, Ashley, Allison, Jessica, and Nicole and I stayed at a family's home. We stayed up and talked with them for a little bit, but soon retired to showers and limerick writing. It's tradition for the choir that every choir tour, we draw a name and we have to write a "limerick" for them, or basically a poem or song or something like that. In the closing days of the tour we read or perform them. They've been hilarious so far. I'm reading mine today. 

So let's see... I really haven't updated on the tour since Sunday I guess. I'll do a quick run down. Monday we went to Toledo, Ohio, which is Alex Barringer's home. We did a choral exchange with his old high school, and then went out to the mall. That night we sang at his church. The concert that night was in my opinion the least of our best. That's just me being optimistic and not saying it was the "worst" because it really was just at the bottom of our "well done" list. It was really hot in the room. I think the concert itself was alright, but it was rather difficult to do well when the room was so dizzying. Those top notes made me feel faint. And I'm too much of an achiever not to hit my favorite notes (let em ring!). I was standing on the end of the third riser, and was seriously considering stepping down and going behind the choir to try to save myself from falling. We had someone pass out at the beginning of the year. I didn't really wanna repeat the act though. Not on tour. 

We ended up getting through it just fine though. Trina and I stayed at a host's home with Emily and Blakley.  Good stuff! That next day, Tuesday, we set out for Pennsylvania.  One state away from my home state! We sang in Waynesboro PA, in the midst of lovely rolling hills. The weather was beautiful. We sang at Heather's church, and I think it was definitely one of the best performances. The sanctuary was great for acoustics! We stayed with an adorable older couple, who had just celebrated their 50th anniversary. Lindsay, Bethany, Julia, Kirstie and Trina and I were all together. It was so much fun. 

The next morning, Wednesday, we toured a bit of Gettysburg, and set out for Princeton. NEW JERSEY! We sang in the seminary that evening. Nathaniel is from Princeton, and his dad took us to the Princeton University chapel so we could sing in it just for fun. It was absolutely beautiful. The sound was enchanting, and the architecture was breathtaking. I loved it.

The concert that night went well, though not the largest turn out as far as an audience goes. But it was nice. My dad and my grandma came that night, and Trina and I stayed at my house that night. It was amazing. Anna came over and slept over. The three of us (Trina, Anna and I) slept in a crib.... if you don't know what that means, don't worry about it:)

Thursday, the 18th, the choir met in Philly. We went around to some historic sites, and then ate some lunch. We then headed to BAptist HIgh for a choral exchange. I was really excited to go there, because my dad went there for high school. I just find it so funny that I, his daughter, would take her college choir (from IL) to the same place so many years later. It's also where my boyfriend went for classes too. The music groups there are pretty awesome. 

That night we sang in Woodbury NJ. Prof Stampfli met us there to surprise us, which was pretty cool. He's our connection to the church we sang at. That performance was really good. Doc said it was one fo the best, though some of us felt pretty out of it. My mom, dad,  zach, cal, soph, Liv, and Lena came to that performance. Aijalon, Anna, Laura, Kristi and Jason all came to that performance too. It was exciting to have them all there. 

Yesterday we left Woodbury around 7:30 a.m.... Trina and I slept a lot on the bus. We toured DC for a while, leaving us even more exhausted. Sore feet, retreating voices, and shutting eye lids... yet we made it through the performance last night anyway. 

Well, I am going to sleep.... on the bus... wish me luck. 

The Egg Is Forever

Day Three! Today began with a morning of turkey bacon and apples for me, and some eggs and english muffin added for Trina. Scott and Olivia were great hosts. Scott drove us to the church, and we sang for two services this morning at St. Mark's Episcopal Church.

I was absolutely exhausted during the sermon. I admit it. I'll have to ask the guy sitting next to me if I was nodding off... seriously, it's a problem. I don't really know if I'm awake or asleep when I'm so tired... I'll have to work on that. Anyway, we sang a bunch of songs this morning. The congregation was so appreciative. It's always really nice when the people are so blessed by the music. The music is pretty old style, and was very appropriate for the services I thought. 

Something memorable this morning was communion. I've never been to an Episcopalian church service in the morning, and I had to pay attention to make sure I did everything right. The choir took communion second service. If we did not want to receive communion, we had to kneel and put our arms crossed over our chests. And so, gluten abounds... I had to cross my arms and kneel. The priest would pray a blessing over you instead if you did not choose to take communion. So I went up there, and tried not to get stuck in the skirt of my dress as I knelt with my arms crossed. The priest was at the person next to me as I knelt down. And then his hand came on my head, and he prayed, "The Lord bless you! In all you do, from your head down to the bottom of your toes..." I don't remember what he said after that. I was really moved by the action. Obviously, when they told us what would happen during communion, we were told that the priest would pray a blessing over us if we didn't take communion. It shouldn't have been a shock to hear him pray a blessing over me. But it was so beautiful. I wasn't expecting it to be a moving moment... I had such a sense of the Lord in that moment.

The passion in his voice was moving in itself. Sometimes when I hear people pray, it just blesses me a lot. It makes me so genuinely happy to hear a heartfelt prayer. It's freeing to be desperate for the Lord when others can hear the desperation themselves, and join in with their own hearts. 

Anyway, I thought it was really beautiful. And it kept me thinking of the word "blessing" today afterwards. in the choir, our "blessing" and benediction song is "The Lord Bless You and Keep You." I always love singing the "blessing" over the congregations and audiences. It's so special. And it's a beautiful prayer. Growing up, that song was the song to sing in our household. We all (meaning the "williams kids" as we used to be called... we grew out of that one quickly....) sang it so many times. We sang it for our younger siblings for their dedications at church. We've sung it for anniversaries and birthdays, and funerals. We'd visit sick friends and sing it over them. I guess it kind of became the thing to sing. It was a sung prayer. 

Sometimes I say "You don't mean it unless you sing it!" For me it basically reflects how I haven't really felt something fully until it has overflown into a song I write. But then again, this is my music obsession too. Something sung, is something beautiful and meaningful. Not always, but I appreciate it when it is:)

In my family, the word "blessing" is a common one. We don't have "roll call" when we're all traveling. We do a "blessing count." We pray for God's blessing on the things we do, and the people we know. It has such deep meaning to me now after growing up with the word "blessing" constantly prayed and spoken. Maybe that's why it affects me the way it does. 

After the church services, we ate lunch from the church, and sang our "The food we have eaten has hit the spot" song, and loaded up and hit the road. We crossed into Indiana, thus losing yet another hour. We later arrived in Warsaw, and unloaded and set up at the Warsaw Evangelical Presbyterian Church where we sang our evening service concert.

Right before going on, Doc told me he wanted to see me after the concert. That of course made me slightly nervous. I had to sing through our whole concert wondering what it was he needed to talk to me about. I made up my mind it couldn't be anything bad because other people were around when he told me he needed to see me. He's usually very conscious about things like that... he doesn't embarrass anyone, or draw attention to anyone when it has the potential to be uncomfortable. So I tried to stick to my story... the story that it was all good stuff:) And good stuff it was. After the concert Doc gave me a "gift" from some nameless person. I can't exactly get into detail, but what I can say, is it was a huge blessing. I felt like crying... and soon after, nearly five minutes after this first "gift," someone came up to me and asked if I was the "gluten intolerant one." She was hosting some of the other girls in the choir. So I told her I was. She gave me a bag of peanut butter cookies and gluten free granola bars and a banana. I was thrilled. Gluten free food! Praise the Lord (all ye Gentiles... anyone reading this knows by now I've a chronic case of lyric quoting....)! Free gluten free food! I just felt so blessed. It was amazing.

So I guess today could be called a "blessed day!" It really was. 

Tonight Trina and I are staying with a woman... we can't remember her name, much to our shame. But she has 11 grandchildren, and 3 great grandchildren. And her father built the house we are staying in right now. The house is absolutely precious. Trina and I agreed we would love an adorable little homey house just like this. Each room has a lovely welcoming scent that seems to say, "Relax. And let the calming aromas lift your spirits!" Like only a grandma's house can. 

Tomorrow we ship out at 7:30 a.m.... which will likely feel like 5:30 a.m.... so tonight shall be over soon, lost in the land of lambs hopping over a fence, counted as sleep descends upon the seeking eyelids, bowed in supplication of rest. 

And I end this blog saying, The Egg is Forever. This is a new discovery Trina and I have found. Maybe I'll explain that one later... May the lambs rest far after you all do this lovely evening! 

Soaked Socks but Bathed in Bliss

And Day Two has come and gone! Trina is in bed. I am sitting on the bed, at her gracious consent. Today was a great day. It started as we all woke up quite early to get back to the church we sang at last night. We loaded the bus around 8:30, and headed to downtown Chicago. It was dreary and rainy. It made it easier to feel sleepy on the ride there. I felt desperately tired. I wished I could have a bed to lay comfortably in. But no. And I of course forgot my pillow at Greenville too. That was great. And my shoulders are tighter than ever thanks to my lousy bags I have for packing. That's something I should invest in for the sanity of us all. I try not to complain about it. It'd be great to have a traveling chiropractor. Maybe that's an invention the future can take care of...

Anyway, we got to Chicago around 11:30. We passed a Megabus at the bus stop I get off at when I take a Megabus to see Aijalon. It was odd to be in the same place and not be going to see him. Associations... Anyway, we got dropped off at the Chicago Public Library, and had until 3:00 pm to roam the green city. Green, because it was the St. Patrick's day thingy... not sure exactly, but I saw many man in skirts and many women with green hair. And get this... they died the river green!! It was green!! Crazy. Basically hilarious. 

Trina stayed with her family today while the choir was in the city. They're our groupies until tomorrow.  So a bunch of us broke off and started heading to various locations. Jessica and I ended up going with Doc, Brandon, Nathaniel, Brad, and Prof Noble to Pizzaria Uno to find gluten free pizza! And to my frustration, the host rudely notified us there was no gluten free menu. I was mad. So we tried another place, to find, yet again, no gluten free menu. However, I ventured to Trader Joe's down the street and bought corn tortillas and cheese, and met everyone at the California pizza place. While we were there, Nathaniel and I found we have some mutual friends. We were both homeschooled in New Jersey. I guess mutual friends were bound to occur. Even so (Lord Jesus quickly come... sorry... more tour lyrics...), it was pretty cool! 

Soon after eating I took our little group to Trader Joe's. Some of them had never been there. I took it upon myself to introduce them. It was an enlightening experience for those who had not yet known the wonders of such a store. I knew I was indeed doing the right thing.

Then Brad, Nathaniel, Jess and I rode the subway back to the library. I was thankful. I unfortunately did not bring good shoes for lots of rainy walking. My socks were drenched in my purple shoes... every time I wear purple shoes in Chicago, something bad happens to them and my little feet... I should remember not to do that next time. When we got to the library we four rode to the top level, which was the 9th floor. We had a jolly time and dined on our healthy morsels with the background of a foggy city behind us. 

Once reunited, we loaded the bus and drove out to Geneva where we had a few hours of rehearsals and dinner provided by the church we're singing at tomorrow for two morning services. Tonight we unfortunately lose an hour, as we "spring forward." All in all, I'm glad it's basically Spring. However, I will likely find myself to be sleepily desperate for rest again tomorrow. Within such an event, I may find myself wishing it were "fall back" again... continuing on... we ate our dinner, and met our hosts for the evening.

Trina and I had an awesome time tonight. Our hosts, Scott and Olivia, are so much fun! They're a young couple, who Trina and I are assuming were only recently married in the last few years or so. We had a great time tonight. I got to eat an apple that was a perfect texture and perfect color that was not from the DC. It was a great experience. They made us cookies, and even though I couldn't eat any, it was cool Olivia made some. We all decided to watch a movie together before headin' to bed. And so, what did we adults watch?! Ratatouille. And a wonderful time it was! We laughed and squealed at appropriate parts, and cuddled up in blankets with mugs of cold water on the coffee table. It was such a great night. Relaxing, and nice to spend it with out host fam. 

Trina and I agreed Scott and Olivia were adorable. All cuddled up on their couch, they were so funny to watch the movie with. Scott would make sure Olivia wasn't scared when the scenes got intense. He would make sure she wasn't too disgusted by the numerous rats invading the kitchen in the movie. They are such sweet people! We really liked spending time with them tonight.

We've noticed that the older couples with their children grown and gone usually let us just go up to our room they provide us with, and let us be. But the younger couples, like Scott and Olivia, like to do things with us. We're really not all that much younger age wise, and still have a lot of common grounds. Like college. Even though they're graduated and living different stages of life, we had good conversations about what we're studying and things like that. It's so great to experience this... to experience all these different people and to be welcomed into their homes. 

Tomorrow we sing for two services at St. Mark's Episcopal Church, and then head out again. To be honest I don't know where our next stop is. I can't remember if it's in Indiana or Ohio... I guess I'll find out soon! But another performance tomorrow night! 

This trip has been so much fun. It's only 2 days in! Eight more to go! Things like this make me kind of sad I only have a few more semesters left of college. But hey... this is only undergrad... with me and my tendencies... we'll see how many more semesters I go until I'm done for good. Obviously I don't plan on being a student forever. Other seasons of life will surely (hopefully! :P)come, but I'm just loving this time right now. Especially the no homework aspect of these last two, and coming days!

Today began with sore shoulders, soaked socks, and silly St. Patrick's emblems, and ended with relieved tenses, satisfied tummies, and sweet memories made. I will now enfold myself into the gold beaded covers of this cozy bed. More to come!

How Did I Get Here?!

Day one of Choir Tour 2010!! Trina and I are going to bed soon. Tonight we had our first concert of the official tour with the GC choir. It went pretty well. I honestly didn't feel like it was my best night, but some aspects were good. 

Our host family was as surprised as we were to find that 6 of us would be staying with them. And so Kaylie, Kayla, Ashley, Alyson, Trina and I are staying at the same house. It's been fun. It's really nice to get to know people. We all spend hours and hours together for rehearsals every week, but I'm thinkin' the tour will certainly prove me wrong that I don't know everyone, but that's not the final diagnosis to be given once we return in 9 days.

The church we sang at tonight was the church Doc (the director) got married at. There were a few GC choir Alumni there tonight too which was cool. One of the best aspects of the night was how much of the food I was able to eat. There was tons of fruit. So I was very pleased. 

I am so relieved to finally be on the other end of these past two weeks. I'm done exams for at least a week and a half. This semester has been chompin' at my tail, and it's not a joy ride at any angle. I was so tired I was even a little fatigued when remembering today starts choir tour. I've really been looking forward to it. This morning though I didn't even know how I'd get everything done. But lo, He comes (words from a song for tour...), and eventually time does pass. And here I am in a strange dark room in Champaigne IL, owned by a family I don't know, and may never see again. I love it. 

Looking back over this school year, I feel like I've been able to do a lot of random but awesome things. On the subject of staying in random peoples' houses, I usually find myself amused at the thought that actually am where I am. Let me clarify. Have you ever woken up somewhere and forgotten where you are? Well, while I'm awake I get similar feelings. Sometimes I just think, "Where am I? How did I get here?!" Even though I know full well the answers. Sometimes I think, "Wow, I never would have guessed I'd be here right now." meaning in this exact house, in this exact room, for the exact reason I am here. I know it may seem sort of funny that I question myself to find answers I already know. But it just makes me appreciate it all. It makes me excited for the stories I'll tell about these moments in years to come.

In our last host family's home, Trina and I talked for a while with the Husband of the household. Their children were grown and gone, and this guy liked to talk. We were thankful. Definitely breaks the ice. He was so sweet! He had to have teared up at least 5 times in our hour or so conversation. He was so adorable and so welcoming, as was his adorable little wife. 

Well, now that my teeth are brushed, face is washed, shower has been taken, and finally the blog has been written, I shall go to bed. Sleep will be in short supply in the coming days! Not that it's going to be too different than the recent ones.... but I am certainly looking forward to a real bed that doesn't feel like macaroni with paper over it like school beds... Good night!

Close Your Eyes and Simply Be

Tis only hours away from Spring Break. The anticipation ties me up and will not let me sleep. Those of you who know Romeo and Juliet know I just did a play on words there. Those of you who don't, I'm sorry for your loss. And those of you who even read this, I'm grateful for your devotion.

These last two weeks have been unbelievably busy. You'd think it's finals right now... I guess the profs are trying to make up for "lost time" before break even happens. But this logic does not work well with me, you see, because in fact, Spring Break is not counted as a week in the semester at all. If it were we'd get out a week earlier for the year. So, now that we all understand that there is no point to adding extra work and exams before a break that is not robbing anyone of any time in the semester, we can get our sleepless night back. If only...

My roommate is asleep. I'm awake. I took out a lot of the clothes I need to pack yet for choir tour. I've had no time! I still need to run to get food (gluten free!) before we leave tomorrow at 3:30. One more exam! So close... so close.

The newest happenings in my life include going to a chiropractor. It's ridiculous. One may say he knows that he has many bones. But he does not experience those bones until someone cracks them audibly. Kinda scaring. Strangely addicting. My xrays show 6 out of 12 vertebrae a bit crooked. My neck is kinda straight. Lower back crooked. So anyone who has thought "Shaina has the worst posture ever," well, I like to think this explains that. So, if all goes well I'll be going there for a while to get it all fixed. The biggest enemy is money. Money.... the epiphany of hating what we don't have.

Vespers was pretty cool tonight. It was so nice to get to worship. The choir's been singing a lot, but it was nice to be with the congregation rather than be on stage. Vespers is rather creative. The people that do worship for it usually get pretty crafty and really minister through the music. They sometimes use odd instruments and almost have a "set" sometimes with the different "stations" they go to for different songs. But the worship is always really passionate and so refreshing after nearly another week of school has gone by. Tonight there was a bit of a string section. Violin, viola and bass. It was so beautiful. It was nice to just listen when I didn't know a song. Strings to me sound like luring hands inviting me to close my eyes and just be. It sounds like breathing but with the emotion of the voice. 

While I'm on tour, I plan to blog every night. When I have the time anyway:) 

I suppose sleep is the best option for the hour... And so I say goodbye. The next time I write I'll have packed, taken this next stinkin' exam, hopefully slept, played for chapel, and gotten all the other odds and ends figured out! My list is already written for tomorrow. Of course! 

And so dear world, sleep sweet with the soft rhythms of music bidding you close your eyes and simply be. 

And He Will Make Your Path Straight

I'm just posting real quick before I get a-crackin' with my homework for tonight. But man, God is so good. Sometimes I just stand back and realize how much the Lord is providing for me. Even when I forget to pray for specific things, He somehow gets it done before I even ask. I had a moment today in choir rehearsal where I just realized a few ways God has provided for me in the last few weeks. He's just been planting the perfect people in my path. I know I'm being vague... but I guess it's just amazing how when we trust in Him, He guides our path, and also leads others to us as well and vice versa. 

So I guess that's all! Onto homework... in my pajamas. No need at all to be in uncomfortable clothes to do the work that must be done. Adieu! 

'Tis Midnight

Four days until Choir Tour! I am consumed with the reality. I cannot wait. I'm so excited!

Mondays... they are so long! But today was a really good day. I felt a little lazy, possibly do to fatigue and stubborn unwillingness to get things done that could definitely handle being done despite my attitude... but for a Monday, it was jolly.

'Tis midnight! I remember a song I sang with my church choir at home a cantata a while ago. And it was called "'Tis Midnight." I still remember my part too. Creepy ooo's. But it is now midnight. I should probably go to bed. I love the emails I get several times a day with reminders to get good sleep this week, drink a lot of water, and eat fruit (good vitamins and extra fluids!) as much as we can before tour. I know I eat a ton of fruit. But the sleep part could use more attention. 

This blog has no point. But it's ok. I'm not even sure anyone reads this, but if you are bored, my sincere apologies.  

So attention I will give. Here's to a probably very busy but (hopefully?) quick week! Spring Break is in four days!! 

Rolling with the Punches of Pondering

Well now! As I sit here on my bed, with my belongs shuffled over the foot of my bed, and desk chair, I am not only pondering the need to tidy my side of the room. Just the fact that I need to tidy up reminds me of the twister that swept through this week of school. Very stressful. I learned all over again the sickening sensation of a weather bend when my nose and head were not expecting it. Allergies. Proof that humanity has fallen into a fallen world. Right there. 

Today it is absolutely gorgeous. I've been feeling a lot better since yesterday and haven't sneezed nearly as much. I was probbaly sneezing over 50 times a day this week. I know. I know! Be still! I didn't know it was possible either! Seriously, I thought it was bad in NJ. Anyway, I should stop balking and simply be thankful I'm feeling better now anyway! It's a preview day at GC, so the choir had some performing. A two hour rehearsal, and then a short performance. Tomorrow we'll be singing for a church in Alton, and then off the the Sheldon concert hall in St. Louis for a late afternoon concert. I love this part. All the backbreaking work of endless rehearsals that rob us of our free time and ability to speak for approximately 4.7 hours afterwards... and now we finally get the end product. Not without dizzying tidying up of silly broken spots, but it's so much fun. I love performing. 

Performing is when everything makes sense. Performing is my favorite part. It's a connection. A willingness to understand and be understood. When just rehearsing, it's tiring, I don't always give my best. I get lazy. I don't always deliver. But the focus and exhilaration of performing is like warm oil being poured over my head, and intense broiling fingers of fire to catch in my throat to send out each note, each sigh of music. It's a desire that is quite unlike the mundane joy that comes with realizing I don't have as much homework as I thought, or remembering I can sleep in the next morning. No. This is something that must occur. 

I had an awesome conversation with my friend Whitney recently. We were talking about music. We've been writing songs together for a few months now, and it's been incredible. I've never had such perfect musical chemistry with anyone, ever. It's such a Godthing. She lives a few doors down from me and everything. Pretty easy! So we discussed music. I think every musician/musical person has a story to tell about their relationship to music. Some love to share, and aren't aware of anything but their love for music. Sometimes it causes them to feel that everyone understands the love, even if they don't. The love is extremely external in exposition. Then, there are some that it's a little more personal of a love. It's something that does not always show itself. Some fear being misunderstood. Others maybe are a little more selective about when and where to display the heart of a musician. 

There is such an obvious difference between those who are, shall we say, "artsy" and then, everyone else. I know that's blunt. But I'm not talking about the different types of people in the "everyone else" category right now. I'm just making a distinction between artsy and non-artsy.  I will consider myself artsy. I'm weird. I say things in ways that extend far past what I should allow my brain to go after studying and practicing as much as I do. I'm unfair to those around me academically and sensationally weary. I get bored with saying and expressing things in a normal way. Somehow I end up rhyming, or using alliterations and metaphors... I speak in metaphor all the time... oh the innocent souls I feed to turmoil of the mind!! Resistance to think farther than I do... it's ok. I do apologize. Please accept, and let's continue to be friends.

Anyway! The Artsy ones. We might burden those around us in silly, wonderful ways. *sigh* I love it. We're the ones who could be found staring off to space because of a perfect thought, or a vacant one. Either. Just as easily. We're the ones who see our lives as books, and can disconnect urselves to wonder who our "readers" would be rooting for-- the person we're mad at, or the other character. We wonder if what just happened to us would be the perfect place to end a chapter as a cliffhanger. We listen to music and think of how it's really the song that's playing in the background as we watch the "movie" or of lives. We're the ones who come up with a whole lingo to express the condition of the day. For example... *ahem* "Today is such an Fb dimished day!" Or for the says that start good... and end badly... "Augmented." It was going so well... ahhhh wistfulness! 

I guess we can all be considered artsy in some way. But in all seriousness, some of us are just weirder than others. I am perfectly strange. I suck as a singer sometimes. sometimes I wonder how in the world I'm a vocal major, nearing the end of my Junior year (Which is crazy in itself apart form what I'm majoring in anyway). But, even the things I "can't" do in practice, or in a different nonperformance setting... somehow it all changes when I'm actually performing. There is a special delivery of persistence and commitment to the here and now. It's beautiful. And I love it. 

Ok, so I wasn't planning on saying all of that. But I guess I just gotta roll with the punches of pondering.