Good times!

I LOVEEEE recording with Zach and Cal.

It is so right that we're all in the same state. So right.

Three siblings with harmonies sounds so lovely. I love this. May it be forevermore amen!

Something else

Back in April, I was reading through the book of Acts. I felt like God spoke to me through a few passages in Acts, and I referred back to them quite a few times. Now as I start Acts again for this Summer reading plan thing, I can't help but absorb myself in Acts 1:4.

"... Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about."

Now this is about the gift of the baptism of the Holy Spirit.

But it stuns me. Because I find such common ground.

Jesus rose from the dead. He amazed His apostles. He was sending them out. He was getting them excited. He showed them signs, and wonders. He told them new things, and was the Good News itself, whom they had walked with, and talked with. How could they bare to stay where they were when they had such crazy amazing news they witnessed first hand!?

Jesus told them to go out. To make disciples. Why was He going back and saying, "Wait there. Put on the breaks. You need to stay here first."

I wonder if they were confused. I wonder if they were frustrated. I wonder if some of them didn't listen, and left Jerusalem.

He got them excited, then went back on it.

To make it even more unbearable, right after Jesus told them to wait, and to stay where they were a little longer, He went back up to heaven.

If I were them, I'd want my money back.

Because gosh, just think about it! Jesus did amazing things, then died and rose from the dead. Then said to go and tell all the world about it. They probably couldn't wait to do it!

Then He says to wait, and stay where they were.

Then ascends into heaven.

As if they needed one MORE thing to drive them crazy about staying put for a while.

They had questioned Jesus, and He basically told them not to worry about the details, even though they were just trying to make sense of it.

Then the pouring out of the Holy Spirit is what prepared them, equipped them for their task. For going out, and making disciples.

They had to stay where they were, to wait for the gift Jesus had talked about.

It makes me reflect on something God's impressed on my heart this year. That He's giving me a new dream. I've blogged about this a lot. I know God has seriously warned me things are going to be different than I thought in my life. He made me excited. He healed me of some crap. He restored me, and gave me the capability to carry more of Himself. He was giving me something new. I couldn't wait to live it.

I was all ready to move to Nashville. Now I'm a 2nd grade teacher in New Jersey.

Guns. Have. Sons.

So God is telling me, through the story of this Summer, " Do not leave, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about."

The gift. The dream. The new dream.

Maybe there's more to it than I received already. Maybe there's something else that I don't quite have, that is completely required for the new dream. Just like the apostles. Just having the Good News didn't cut it. Jesus has something ELSE.

Oi. God doesn't like things to get too boring, now does He?

I won't leave. After this Summer, I would expect a bolt of lightening to snap me into pieces if I tried.

I'm excited for something else.

I'm short

You know what is really calming? The sound of a heart beat.

Somehow, hearing someone else's heart beat is so reassuring.

Have you ever had someone hug you and you could feel it? Hear it?

Maybe I'm just the shortie girl who always comes right about to the atrial section of the body when I hug people... but why is it that it's so calming to me?

It reminds me that there is more. That I am not the only one living. I have a companion. Seconds are passing, and time is going on, as counted by the steady pumping I can feel inside my own heart.

When I hear someone else's heart beat, it's almost like I'm under water.

I like being under water. When my hair is like a mermaid's, under the surface tension, warm and unrestrained.

I feel like God is holding me very near. So close to Him. Close to His heart. So I can hear it beating. Like it's the way He brings me calm. There is more. There is. There is more. And I have a companion.

I know this blog is maybe a little weird. Maybe creepy to some. But it's times like this (metaphorically) that God makes my shortie height perfect. That when he draws me in, He brings me right to His heart. Where I'm safe. Where I'm warm. Where I'm calm, even though my own heart sings of chaos and confusion.

I love being close to my Father's heart.

Fish and bread

I'm having one of those nights... I had a great day with some friends today. Survived an earthquake, a hurricane, and tornado warning in the same five days. Life's been exciting, and good. Right?

It really has.

But I find myself aching over some things. I find myself throbbing worse than that 30 second tremor last Tuesday. Everyone is back at Greenville now, and it's honestly making me just miss everyone so badly. I love people so deeply. And I just miss them.

So my heart is heavy tonight for a few reasons. And one of them, is I just do not know what God is doing. I don't know how He's going to make things work in my life.

This is absurd. Read my past blogs this Summer. God has done miracle after miracle in my life. I'm astounded. I shouldn't despair, and yet I do. Oh me of little, little faith. While my faith has been added by scores of measures this Summer, I still am finding the places I'm still lacking.

Tonight I read John 6:5-7.


5 When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” 6 He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.

7 Philip answered him, “It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!”


BAHAHAHHA... Jesus was just testing Philip. He ALREADY KNEW what he was gonna do about it.

Then Philip answered in despair. He replied in his uncertainty and fear.

Then God fed five thousand people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.

I relate to Philip. I feel like God's saying, "So Shaina Joy, what we gonna do about this?" Meaning, basically, my dreams. My life. My hopes, my desires. I'm overwhelmed by a few things tonight, hang in there with me. Sorry for being vague...

But my response is, "Lord... I don't know..." My doubt. My lack of faith. My confusion. My pain, and fear.

But you know what... God fed 5,000 people with a small boy's lunch.

I think He can deliver again. I know He can... I'm waiting, and trusting with whatever faith I do have.

I guess tonight, as I go to sleep, I'm offering Him my bread. And my fish.

Sweet home

Aug. 21. 11

Here I am.

There’s a candle burning in front of me. I just lit the match, and caught the flame on the wick in the jar. The fragrance is sweet. Hmmm… since the scent is “Home Sweet Home”, that sounds about right.

This is my first night in my new apartment.

I’m alone. Very reflective. I’ve never been this alone. Not in a bad way. I have my own room for the first time in my life… Zach and I had our own rooms when we were wee babes. But we’d go sleep in each other’s rooms often enough it never mattered. At home (my parent’s house… that’s gonna take a while to get used to…) I shared a room with Caleigh and Soph.

This is a unique experience. I’ve never before lived by myself.

Although, my grandma is on the other side of the wall.

HAH! So… as on my own as I am, it’s still a rather “safe” move.

The apartment is attached to Grandma’s house. I still can’t get to her house unless I go out my door and walk into hers our front. Yet still. It’s a nice thing.

I feel like tonight marks a new thing in my life. The end of something, and the beginning of something else.

I will gladly claim tonight as the end of the horror and frustration of this past summer… review the past blogs after graduation… it was rough. It really was.

But it was a season I could not have done without. I know that so well.

Because God broke me and bent me in ways He never has before. He taught me things I wouldn’t have been able to swallow for the bitterness, if I hadn’t been so starved for God to communicate with me…

It’s just like when you’re hungry, and craving a certain thing. Nothing else is palatable. Nothing. Until you’re so hungry that even something you never used to like suddenly becomes the best meal you’ve ever eaten.

You don’t see people in third world countries say, “I’d rather not eat that… I’m craving something sweeter.” No. They’re hungry. They’ll eat.

So have I been this summer. I felt like my Spirit was so swept clean that I would take anything I got.

I’m basically poor. But God has provided in the nick of time.

I love this life. I love living on the edge. Because God is always there.

You know how some people are addicted to extreme sports? They feel alive. That’s sort of how I feel right now. Not like I love feeling like I can’t afford everything. But it’s what makes me feel the presence of God. The reassurance that He is in control. And that He knows what we need.

And that He provided what we need.

I hope I never lose sight of how it’s God that provided everything for us.

I want my home sweet home to always be in His arms. With a sweet fragrance of a sacrifice of praise, always palatable to His mouth, holy and pleasing.

Ok… time to sleep in my bed for the first time…

This is surreal.

News news news

Hey. OK. The drum as been rolling, and I'm finally blogging...

There were certain people I knew I had to tell the news to in person. That done, it's hitting the blog.

I an staying in New Jersey!!

I got a job. I'm teaching 2nd grade at Marlton Christian Academy. I'm also teaching Latin to all the grades there.

It's been a roller coaster past few weeks. All my plans have changed. Really... Nashville... I'm still planning on going down once a monthish.

So, more news. I'm moving. Into the little apartment attached to my Grandma's house. Yeah. A lot's been happening.

So. Now that the cat has been freed of the bag, I can rest and will likely blog much more now. Soon anyway.

Boys who

This is just cute. I don't agree with all of them, but some, they're just cute. Don't judge me.

http://boyswho.tumblr.com/