How sweet it is to love

This is going to make a lot of people roll their eyes. I don't even care.

I am so in love. This is the best love I could never have even imagined... Caleb is the most incredible man in the world. Last night I was just so entirely unwilling to hang up on skype. I just wanted to stare at him. I can't believe he's real. My whole life, I dreamed of this guy. It comes down to that.

I don't know anyone I'd rather spend my free moments with. He's my best friend. I love him so, so much.

It is just the best thing in the world to wake up to an adorbs text from him... It's just the best thing in the world to be his girlfriend. I don't how I got so lucky. I don't.

He's the biggest goofball, and the best romantic I've ever met.

I've always been girly. I don't always like to be, though. Let's be real. This society frowns upon it. Society loves a woman to be "strong" and "tough." I can be... but it's a facade. It's a guard. It keeps me from being vulnerable.

No one has ever made me feel so safe. No one has ever actually been safe.

It feels so good. It is so good.

So, I love this guy. His name is Caleb. I love him.  Seriously... just look at him:)

Front row

Remember when I said a few months back how I wasn't really scared how some things were going to unfold? Well, at times I didn't keep that word true. Yes, I've worried. Today is a day I remember I walk with a God who knows me better than I know myself.

He is so good to me...

Being in the front row of watching God do wonders in my life is amazing. My whole life is just the bonus track... it keeps going. It is so good. He is so good.

I can do that!

I've realized something. Kids are always happy. Most of them. Even the ones that you know have reason not to be. I look at some of my students and think, "How is he happy? His parents are getting a divorce." Or, "She got 3 hours of sleep last night, and is just so thrilled to be awake."

Children are so focused on the now. What is happening right now. They hate going to bed, because they'd rather not miss anything.

I wish I could fully embrace this lost mentality.

I remember when I hated to go to bed at night. Now, the only reason I'd hate going to bed is because I have too much I should be doing... or should I? Why? My reasoning has completely changed.

When I was a wee babe, I hated missing one moment of wakefulness. Now, when I wake up in the morning, I couldn't care less if I missed another hour of being aware of my surroundings.

I wish I could go back to being like that of a child. Where life is just so amazing, and so full of excitement.

I used to dream of this time in my life. I used to think, "I cannot wait until I have a job, and a boyfriend that I love, and a car!!"

I even have a red car like I used to envision!

I look at my life... and it's flawless. I am beyond blessed. I have more than I dreamed of as a child. I used to yearn for this exciting time in my life. I'm so full of anticipation and so on the brink of even more good stuff. Yet, I still love to sleep it through.

I've started something new, where I just dwell on the day I'm currently living, and I make a list (I'm a huge list person...) of all the things I'm excited about in one day. It keeps me from dying when I miss Caleb. It keeps me in a better mood.

I think kids got it right... they wake up excited for life regardless of the mundane schedules they live, just like we do.

When I think about it, it makes such perfect sense that we are to become like children before we enter the Kingdom of God...

Why must we abandon the freedom and wonder of a child in order to become an adult? Adults are the most boring, depressing people in the world in America. I'm serious. I'm so sick of pessimists and people who have to speak the reality, when the reality is only hypothetical. It's just something to be aware of. I just get so run down by stress and anxiety. I've completely sold out sometimes. I've become one of those people so much of the time.

I know I'm rambling. I'm not saying I want to be careless. But I just loved watching my kids today... when they'd be upset about something, they'd immediately get back up and be excited about something else so small. Like when I give a math sheet, and they stumble over a few problems, yet perk right up when they come across another one they understand.

What if we always looked at our lives like, "I can do that!" Like, can I get up this morning and go to work? Yeah! Awesome!

One thing at a time... yeah, I can do that.

Ok. I'm done my rant. Kids are awesome.

Wow.

My goodness. What a peculiar time of life I find myself in... I've stopped feeling bad about how little I've blogged. My life is different. I don't blog as much. It's a season, friends. It's a season.

 I cannot say my world is in disorder. It's not. It's just rearranging. It's not bad. Just because things change, does not mean I need to try to keep all my ends clipped the exact same way they were before. This tapestry is entirely different. I could try to clip my ends the same way, but they won't look the same. Even if I blogged as much as before, it wouldn't be the same. My life is different.

 I am content. I really do feel content. Sure, my patience is tested all the time... I probably don't seem content to some people. I have such an agenda. I know I run over people, especially my family, often. I know I'm just getting closer to the finish line of the school year. I am this way. The end is in sight, and nothing can stop me.

While at Greenville, I learned not to try to change myself, but to attempt to live the best way I can, with the strengths that I have. Sometimes I get frustrated with my strengths. I don't like how driven I am sometimes, because I feel like people tear people like me down.

I was in line at Walmart on Saturday, and I had a hold up because my debit card was being a dork. So I apologized to the couple behind me. The older woman said, "Don't worry about it... that's the problem with people these days. Everyone is always in a rush. It's no problem, don't apologize."

But, I'm good at getting things done. Sure the society sucks with some stuff. And yes, we do rush a great deal. It's probably why so many people have heart disease, let's be honest. But, should I try to change myself, or should I try to manage myself the best way I can?

I don't want to change anything. I just want to be a good manager of what God gives me to work with. I don't want to change anything about my time. I don't even want to change anything about how Caleb and I are still long distanced. I just want to manage this time well.

Back in November, I knew things were about to change. I realized it, and I tried to bask in the now. Last night I had a similar moment. I kept looking around my apartment, and saying, "Wow," out loud. It would probably creep people out if they saw me... but it was a moment of mine. A moment to bask in the now. A moment to simply admire, for what it's worth. It's immeasurable worth, really.

So, I don't want to change anything. I think we have exactly what we have, because God is completely aware of it. Not because things have to change. God is more involved in our lives than we give Him credit for. He's more involved than we're capable of giving Him credit for. He's doing more than we could ever be conscious of.

So that's my two cents for today.