My lips are sealed

I'm reading a book called "The Rewards of Fasting" right now, and it's rocking my world. Which is a very good thing. My world was becoming a little too mundane, and my walk with God a little too "normal."

Naturally, I feel challenged very easily. I want a better, nearer relationship with God. As soon as I'm in a place to hear, I hear really well. I hear the things people tell me, or the things I read. I'm moved rather easily.

So something that I never really considered, was how much fasting is really a lifestyle. Fasting food is only one way to fast. That I already knew... times I've fasted before I haven't always fasted food. Some things in my life I view as a fast. Some things I deny myself of, even though I want it. Things I won't go into, but things I consider worthy of being called a "fast."

Something I didn't consider before, was fasting words. Literally refusing to speak idle words, and fasting those words in order to bless someone my flesh aches to condemn. Whether someone hurt me, or spoke against me, or lives a life outwardly condemnable, it doesn't matter. Choosing to remain silent is a fast.

Ok, I know what some of you must be thinking. "Shaina Williams talking less would be a fabulous thing." And you're right. Yes I love to talk. I love to converse with people. I love to have relationship with basically anyone and everyone I come in contact with. It's a fire in me to be close to people I meet and know. Because I like to talk, I've considered how to monitor the things that come out of my mouth. But I never really accepted that kind of lifestyle of choosing to remain silent as a style of constant "fasting."

It was interesting in the book I'm reading to gain perspective. Something the authors mentioned was how fasting is more than just petition and stuff like that. It is putting us in our place. It's denying ourselves pleasures and stability and assurance in the world we live in, and recognizing that our only stability and assurance comes from God.

Denying myself stability of other people "taking my side" about something when I talk is actually a really true battle for me.

Talking with some of my best friends even, and sharing how I feel about something, something or someone that hurt deeply... choosing not to even say anything to bash anyone at all, even in the least... even if that rewards me with absolutely no partnership and affirmation from people around me. To deny myself the affirmation of others so that I may recognize that the only affirmation I truly need comes form the Lord.

I have no problem making my own struggles known. Yep. I'm blogging publicly about what I struggle with. Sure I talk too much sometimes. But you know why I don't care that I'm open about it? Because it's the truth. And I think that exposing the truth, no matter what kind of truth it is, is never wrong. It's always good.

I'm going to blog again sometime soon. I want to keep hashing out my thoughts on this book. It's good.