As long as you're next to me

So my Bible reading thing has been wonderful. I missed one day. But I'm on Day 21 today. I'm already in 1 Samuel. I've never read this much this quickly. Even when I was reading through the New Testament in April. It wasn't quite as much as this 90 day thing is.

There are some themes that God is pointing out to me as I read...

I think I relate to the Israelites in a few ways.

It's hilarious how they kept saying to God and to moses and whoever was leading them, "Aghhh why did you take us away from Egypt? We would have been much better off."

All that complaining. No wonder "the Lord's anger burned against them" was every other verse for book after book!

Well. Well well well. I think someone here might relate to that.

"God, why did I graduate early? Worst. Idea. Ever!"

Yeah, I might have said that... several times. I get so stressed out. It's not that I don't feel ready to go live my life. To go move away. To explore the world, and live a new story.

I just get scared. I miss the life I knew well. I miss the familiarity. I miss knowing what I was doing even just the next day. But everyday my plans change. It's scary. It's exciting much of the time, but I'm constantly blind to what is going on.

So, the word "trust" has a much different meaning now. Like my new song The Only Thing...

"The only thing I know, is that I don't, is that I don't know," And "Maybe uncertainty is where I'm supposed to be, as long as you're next to me."

Maybe so. Most likely so.

So, like the Israelites complained even about being taken out of bondage and slavery... I complain about being taken out of Greenville. Greenville was my home. Where most of my friends were. Where I felt security. Where I planted so much of myself.

But it was time to go. It was time to move on.

And I believe God is leading me to a Promised Land. A land I couldn't have created, no matter how much of myself I "planted." I don't even know where it is. Much like the Israelites.

I understood their confusion and irritation with their limited knowledge. And limited faith.

My faith is so small right now. Maybe it's always been this small. Or maybe I've just never had to trust this much.

Standing next to a skyscraper never makes me feel very big.

So that's something God's speaking to me with.

I plan on sharing more soon. I gotta read though tonight before my eyes shut...