I'm coming with you

I miss my boyfriend. Last night I got to skype with him for a while, and honestly… sometimes talking to him makes it worse. I just love him all the more, and hate the fact that I won’t see him for yet three weeks. It’s already been two.

It’s a heartbreak that isn’t actual fractures. There are no pieces. It’s more like my heart is swollen when I miss Caleb. Yes, those of you who are smirking at this post, I am love sick indeed.

But mostly, what I miss, is experiencing life together. I miss when something funny happens, and I can look at Caleb and laugh about it, or make a face, or bring it up later and he already knows about it.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I value everything in my relationship with Caleb. Every time we talk it means so much to me, because we don’t often see each other. And every time I’m with him in person, it’s like I can’t take my eye off him. He is a dream.

However, I just detest the times when I have to live life without him. And he has to live life without me.

Yes, the “in love” obsession is there. I’m not making any apologies, people.

Ok, so last night I went to bed aching because we had just said goodnight on skype. I woke up, with the aftertaste of something I immediately remembered. Ugh. Caleb’s still 1500 miles away.

I sat up in bed, with my covers newly turned over, exposing myself to the cool air outside my cocoon. I notified God that I’d need help today. It’s a Monday. I’m cold and tired. And I was sad.

I felt there, as I sat up in bed, staring into the gloom before me, God speak to my heart. I thought about the day. I felt the heavy nag of missing Caleb.

“I’m coming with you,”

Ok. These words should not have come as a shock to me. Haven’t we heard time and time again how God will never leave us, nor forsake us?

Oi vey! I know this well! It should not have shocked me!

But indeed. Lo. Behold. God revealed himself to me in my hideous messy bun trapped in all directions due to a night of arrest between my head and pillow.

God will not relent in romancing me. I am in love with a guy. He’s bewitched me, and I have fallen for someone. It’s a big deal. Yet, God does not tire in His relentless attempts to keep me for His own, while blessing a relationship I believe and know He’s established Himself as well.
He reminded me of the freedom, and the gift I have in my relationship with Him. With my Savior. Sometimes it legitimately feels better to have someone else’s arms around me. I tire of God being “on high” and not as “nigh” because He’s God… I’m human. I can’t see Him. I can’t touch Him.

Yet He told me in a way so personal, so incredibly needed, how close He is. How intimate He is. How deeply He cares for me.

He is providing for me emotionally. Do you get this? God is reminding me that while my relationship with Caleb is good, it will never ever in a thousand million years reach what His relationship can accomplish the instant I let it.

I will NEVER have to miss God. How crazy is this… I will never have to go without Him. I miss Caleb all the time while He’s in St. Louis, and I’m in NJ. But the reality is, even if we were together, Caleb couldn’t come with me everywhere I go. And vice versa. We will never ever be able to reach the same level of incredible intimacy that we are capable of having with our God.

My whole day changed because He came with me, and I knew it. I was comforted. So incredibly comforted. He comes with us.