Put your hands up

Ok. I should write. I should write for the public eye. Right here, and now. I take myself more seriously when I know someone else could read my "work."

And as I've said before, God speaks to me when I play music, sing, and write. He meets me where I am, and where my heart is most attentive. I love it. It's so cool.

And so, God has stirred my heart today. I've been unable to escape from this grip on me.

This is also entirely expository. It is very revealing of my own heart, and therefore slightly terrifying. Then again, maybe due to my excessive absence in my blogging lately, no one even remembers me. Either way. I'll proceed.

Today one of my 8-year-old voice students said this to me:

"My mom said make sure you use the whole time of the lesson or she won't keep paying the money."

Ok, ouch.

OK, I will be perfectly honest. I do not always use the whole 30-minute lesson. Honestly, it's become so normal to cut them down to 20-25 minutes with all my 5-year-old students especially, because they're so young. I can accept the fact that they're already restless and not getting anywhere, and sometimes even getting up and saying they're done as they grab their bags to go. I've become that teacher that doesn't push her students in some ways.

Sure I have a philosophy as every teacher should. My goal is not only to teach my piano and voice students. It's also to train them to enjoy music. To appreciate it. To genuinely love it.

When they're tired and frustrated from paying attention after 20-25 minutes, I don't push super hard.

Now, some of you may think I'm not in the wrong. I have it well thought out. I'm not fooling anyone.

But I felt so hit between the eyes when my student said that to me today.

It hit me deeper, because it goes deeper. I knew God was getting at something.

I remember how much Pastor Don used to stress the word integrity. Integrity is "who I am when no one's looking."

I think I've allowed my integrity to get lazy. I think when no one's looking, especially, I tend to get lazy. I think I need to change some things.

See, I want to be the same person whether in the dark, or with all lights shining on me.

I want God to say I was a good and faithful servant when He was the only One who notices.

This is going to be difficult. I work so hard already, I am slightly mortified that God is actually asking me to give it more. To give Him more.

In one of the voice lessons I taught today, I was breaking down some lyrics with my student. She didn't know what the word "represent" meant.

The dictionary says it means "to be entitled or appointed to act or speak for (someone), esp. in an official capacity."

It also means "to constitute; amount to."

If I represent Jesus Christ... I should "amount to" Him. Oh my gosh, I can't do that... that's madness, dude. I cannot amount to Christ... yet that's what's up.

A representation should be accurate. Inaccurate representations are the ones people gossip about and throw tomatoes at. Someone who "represents" someone or something else is usually proud of what he or she is representing, too.

So... today was full of these little subtleties. I should be an accurate representation of the Lord. Even if that means I get home a little later from work. Because I'm proud of Who I represent. Because my integrity is the facade of this representation. Because my integrity is precious to my Maker.

Represent. Now put your hands up. Name that tune.