For New Years (Saturday), Caleb, Mike (Caleb's brother), Maggie (Mike's gf), Mark, and Stephen drove over to spend a few days in Philly and NYC in the square for New Years Eve.
They came in on a Wednesday. I went downstairs to greet them all, and hardly thought a thing about Caleb. I went over to give him a hello hug, and I thought to myself that he gives good hugs. He looked cute, too. I liked his hair. He was so nice to everyone, and so sweet when he met my family. I liked that, but the thought slipped right out of my mind.
Just about the entire family was sick in the downstairs area with a vicious stomach flu. Zach and I were safe, and contemplating how we were going to stay uninfected. We all decided to risk it and stayed at the family's house regardless.
Everyone had gone out and got Vitamin C and immune system booster drinks. We toasted to staying healthy. We ate vitamins and drank Airborne. It was a good time.
We went to Philly that Thursday. Train ride. We met up with some of my friends, including Bi and her boyfriend Jeremy. Recall how I used to text Jeremy about my Caleb Crush that previous May.
I noticed Caleb would plant himself around me, or so it seemed. I didn't mind it. I was at a place in my heart where I had completely given up my grasp on what I was so reluctant to give up on even just weeks before. That guy I was so hung up over. I finally cut the cord on that line. I wasn't exactly what one would called "healed," but I was better than I was that day in Zach and Caleb's apartment.
Jeremy whispered to me while we all gathered around a table in Starbucks on South and Fourth in the city.
"He likes you," Jere told me.
"I don't think so... he has a girl."
Right about then, Zach informed me whatever was going on with Caleb and someone else, was no longer in action.
Oh?
In that moment, I decided I didn't mind Caleb hanging around me so much. I lightened up inside. I was noticing him more and more, and was becoming a bit self conscious. If he was interested in that girl still, I didn't want to flirt on accident or something... awkward. I respected Caleb. I was happy for him.
But I had no idea he was single again.
Caleb walked into Starbucks, and sat down right next to me. Jeremy caught my eye as he gave a slight nod towards Caleb as if to say, "See? I'm right." I rolled my eyes to argue, "False."
Though I did ponder.
Through this whole time in Philly, I hardly ate, or drank. I was feeling a little bit nauseous. It scared me. There's no way I'd allow myself to miss the New Years in NYC, which I'd never done before. I actually didn't want to go really, but knew I had to experience it anyway. I'd regret it. I lived to close to never experience NYC on New Years. And maybe I wanted to be around everyone...
The next day, Friday, was New Years Eve. I was still feeling a little weak in the stomach, but went anyway. My stomach was acting funny, but I held my own. I let myself fall in step with Caleb a few times. I'd laugh when he talked to me, and smile when we looked at me. Why not. He was my friend. I loved him like he was a brother. We'd seen each other through tough times, and we never got awkward even though we had a weird patch. When we flirted/studied in the library. But that had passed, and we moved on. But the small part of me that had a soft spot for Caleb grew just slightly, simply knowing that slate was clean for both of us.
That Friday night, I was dying. I was so tired, and sort of hated the standing for 12 hours part. Mark was having a great time dancing with the Asians, and I admit the dance party with people from all over the world in the middle of the crowds of peole was entertaining, and a good way to stay warm and keep from getting too stiff. I started enjoying myself a little bit more when Caleb started looking at me more, and smiling at me... he would pull my jacket when he walked through the overwhelming crowds of people, taking me with him when he moved. Even if it took us away from our group.
He would tug on my coat sleeve, and for a second I wondered if he would do something crazy. Like kiss me at midnight. The thought slipped through my mind, and I panicked for a moment. I'd never kissed anyone. I didn't know if I wanted to kiss him. What would happen afterwards? Why was he so intent on keeping me with him when we got lost in the crowds? Why didn't he try harder to stay with our group?
He kept me so close to him, and would look down at me. I couldn't read the thoughts behind his eyes. but I liked looking at them, anyway. He was thinking something... I was so confused. His face was so close to mine. Could he really not hear me? We were close enough to hear. Or maybe we weren't. Why was he so close?
He saw my text one of my guy friends.
"You guys should date," he told me.
Confusion was just the thing with Caleb... why did he tell me to date the other guy when he was being so flirty with me?
Caleb made sure I could see the ball drop at midnight, and kept moving so I was more comfortable in the chilly mob scene. Midnight came and went, and no midnight kiss happened. I was relieved. I was a little scared. I felt a little taken off guard at his attention already.
While I may have been taken off guard... I didn't mind it. I didn't really know how I felt, but I didn't mind.
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