Trying

Lately, I've felt a total absence of wisdom.

Which makes me feel entirely insignificant in the Body of Christ.

Because I feel I have nothing to offer.

Because if my life is out of order, how could I offer wisdom to my hurting friend?

But that's a lie.

Something that's hit me in the past few days, is this.

We are not to be silenced.

My life is a bundle of unkept strands that don't match the tapestry of years past. I am unsure of thousands of things. I feel like I'm but a clanging cymbal. I feel striped of much of my security in direction. But, why should that mean that the Lord can't use me in the Body of Christ? Why should I put a basket over my "light," because I can't tell which way is up and which way is down in my own life? Why does my own senselessness mean I cannot serve the Lord?

This may sound confusing.

I'll say it this way. In the past few days, I've talked to a few friends struggling with some stuff. Somehow, I felt something one might call "wisdom" stirring in my stomach, that I knew I had to say. So I said some stuff. And I know God worked. And I know God gave me things to say.

I felt like, "Oh my gosh, why doesn't God give me things to say to MYSELF?!" cause I need direction so bad...

The whole time I feel like I have no right to speak into someone else's life, because mine is so out of whack in some ways. I feel like the only way to be used by God sometimes, is to have my life perfectly in order.

FALSE.

My life is so undetermined. Yet. God still works. And even though my questions are not all answered, lo and behold, I can be a part of someone else's answer. The irony. Why do I try to use logic when we serve a God so unable to fit in the box we title "THIS MAKES SENSE."

Our lives don't have to make sense in order to allow God to use us in the "sense" of someone else's life.

We are STILL His workmanship. We are STILL His instruments. We are STILL precious and priceless pieces in the Body of Christ. And we are ALWAYS needed in the Body.

The moment we feel we have nothing to offer because we're broken ourselves, we're in the presence of a lie. We're in the presence of the enemy. We're in the process of the possibility of being silenced. Discouraged from continuing in our confidence that God is still proud of us, to the point where He chooses us to bless other people.

Just because you find yourself lost, and crying more than laughing in a season of life, that does not mean you have lost your value in the Body of Christ.

So. This may make no sense. That concept in itself could be on to something. I'm trying.