People who know me well, know that I relish in the old fashioned. When I was younger, I used to want to be Amish. I thought the way they lived was so cool. I was intrigued by them. Living closeish to Amish country gave me enough glimpses into their ways... that and weekly trips to Dutch Wagon. I love reading books like Little Women, and anything by Jane Austin. There was something so sweet, elegant, and beautiful in the times. Purity was something to be constantly owned up to by everyone. Those who did not, were disgraced.
Of course we often say, "I wish things could be so simple..." and then we consider how things were not exactly simple, just different.
I'm giving a little disclaimer here. I know some things I say might come across offensive, but it is not my desire in the least to offend anyone.
I'm going to just launch into this. I miss the days that I never even experienced. I miss the days when a woman would feel humiliated and embarrassed to wear a revealing dress when out for the evening, like Meg in Little Women. I miss when the society would look down on a girl who flirts and flitters from boy to boy like she's a bee gathering nectar flower to flower, like Lydia in Pride and Prejudice. I miss the times when women were prizes to be won, and a pursuit was like a trek one set out to take. I miss when modesty was of the purest and most beautiful.
I don't know what it would have really been like if I found the days of my life outlined in pages much like some of my favorite authors, rather than typed by buttons on my keyboard. I don't know what it would have felt like to wear corsets and bodices and I don't know the agony of wearing my hair up at every moment of the day. In a lot of ways I love how our culture is, that I can be a hippy if I feel like it. It's true girls can decide to be rather low-maintenance these days.
However... mentioning "these days" leads me to my point. I detest what our culture has carved the people to be. I hate that we've become a consumer society, which led to the downfall of so many things once beautiful. Everything we do has to do with our obsession to consume. We're addicted. We go through withdraw violently when we try to break the spell. We're in a rock solid bubble held together by years and years of travel to come to where we are now. Everything has to be better. Everything is about bettering ourselves. We have to make more money. We have to have a better car. We have to be smarter, more attractive. And the latter has brought me into a bit of a mood this afternoon.
I was walking around Target. I tried on some random clothes. I've come to the conclusion that college washing machines might as well just swallow my clothes rather than grind them to a pulp to be spat back out at me and my emptied pockets. It's just cruel. Anyway, I'll just say it like it is... I was frustrated with how I looked in some stuff I tried on. I was annoyed, and voiced my irritations to Caleigh about how Target clothing missed the idea that clothing for women should probably consider how women's bodies differ a bit from the bodies of men. But that's just me, what do I know?
The more I kept thinking, the more annoyed I became that I was even annoyed in the first place. I looked around at the airbrushed pictures on the walls, and despaired. Our culture is so foul. So, so foul. The body of a woman is plastered everywhere, like a measuring tape on the wall reminding us where we need to reach. So many times we're left like toddlers jumping and standing on our toes, desperate to match up to the numbers on the wall. Our society knows what it looks like to be "attractive." We know what "perfection" looks like. Now that we know that, we all know what "imperfection" looks like too. Thanks to that, we all live in constant competition with our reflections. We all know that we won't be noticed by the world unless we abide by what we've made the law to be.
I don't mean to sound depressing. I'm not depressed in fact. I'm merely attempting to recreate the scenario of this afternoon. I don't like that so much is exposed to the society. I don't like that men are seen as animals only capable of sex. I don't like that girls cater and solidify that image by acting and looking like bimbos on billboards.
I'm severely and genuinely peeved. And I don't have an answer. Obviously, we cannot go back in time. We can't go back to a time when even women's ankles were scandalous. A time when the hand of a woman was like gold to kiss, a reward, rather than a given like we so easily view it today. A time when people blushed at the mention of sex, rather than howling and laughing and slapping like today. A time when the body of a woman was a mystery of unspeakable beauty, and not something exposed over and over, degraded, and taken for entertainment.
I tire of standing in a river flowing against me. I get worn out. I don't want to size up my worth by my waist line, or how my legs look in high heels. I don't want to be measured by whatever is under my chin... even though my scar is pretty cool ;) I can't help but wonder what life would be like if we weren't all completely commercialized. If we didn't have so many images before us. If we valued virtue over instant gratification. Blah!
Like I said, I have no answer, I'm just peeved.
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