Cannot be contained

Yesterday, Bi and I went for a walk... we were training:) Anyway, as the two of us are living our last months of being teenagers, we of course have to talk about things like love.

Lately, I've just been thinking of love as something that cannot be contained. It cannot be exactly grasped. It can't be put to a formula. In Greek, one word can't even describe it... it has many names. And in English, I think it just has many ways of surpassing what we understand in our culture. I don't think love is exactly what we expect. I don't think it has a way of being in a "safe zone" or something like that. I think love is like stepping out on a tight rope. It's always gonna be an adventure if it's genuine.

Sometimes I think it's even better to love than to be loved. But only under the circumstances that you are loved. That might sound confusing. As long as you know you are loved, loving is the easiest and most freeing, wonderful thing in the world. I love to love.

And a lot of people laugh at "Love Languages," but when they laugh, it makes me really mad. Because I think everyone knows the pain of feeling completely unloved. And feeling unappreciated, or misunderstood for the overflow of love you have, is the most heartbreaking experience. I think I've become a very keen observer of others around me, to find what their love language might be. And then I try to communicate that way. I started getting to know one of my friends friends, and it was so obvious to me that his love language was words of affirmation. It's gotten so much easier for me to detect some of the love languages. For example, when physical touch is someone's... that's usually pretty evident.

Trina and I are obsessed with love languages as well. We're so excited to put love language stuff on our wall and stuff when we room together next year. We're both primarily words of affirmation, and then I'm physical touch almost just as high when I took the "love language test." It was kind of surprising to me at first, then, it completely made sense. I feel it absolutely devastating to reach to hug someone, and then they don't realize it, and kinda just pat my shoulder or something as their response. What rejection! I hate that. I love to have arms around me. I love to sit close to my friends, and people I care about. Trina's close second love language is quality time. So I make sure I communicate that to her too, and always look in her eyes when we talk. She makes sure she touches me, or hugs me, and we always verbally affirm each other, and write little notes to each other when we remember to. It's awesome. And so beautiful a friendship, because I know she tries so hard to communicate to me in ways I catch with my whole heart. It's awesome.

Laura and I had an awesome conversation over a year ago as we sat in the empty cafeteria at the old BCC together. We talked about when our love language is not shown, or reversed, it feels like a hate language. For example, if I'm words of affirmation, and someone calls me something, or verbally or facially dismisses me or puts me down, it's the most devastating thing. If I walk over to someone, and plan to hug him or her, and that person doesn't accept it and just stands there, I feel like they might as well have slapped me. If I give my heart a stage and speak from the deep of what I'm feeling or thinking, and I get a clipped answer like "Well, no. It's not like that, you're just over-analyzing." I feel absolutely crippled. Laura and I also make sure we communicate each other's love language. It's so important.

My parents started using our love languages in each of us in the family a few years ago. My mom always says she's proud of me, especially when she detects my apprehension in something. It's like I go from a deflated ballon, to a balloon the size of spongebob at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade when I hear that.

And so this concludes my first June issue. I love love.