Knowledge

Is it weird of me to feel the desire to document everything happening right now? I suppose some of the chaos in my heart the past few months was actually related to how I didn't know when we'd get engaged and when we'd get married... my lack of blogging sometimes just reflects my lack of knowledge or understanding of where my life is headed... or more when it's headed there.

In the time leading up to these moments in my life, I knew I wanted to be Caleb Arb's wife someday. I knew that. I prayed and hoped, and let's be honest... Caleb and I knew from very early on in our relationship it would last.

I remember talking to my mother years ago...

"Shaina, what about Caleb?"

"I love Caleb... but it's just never worked out. I know if we started dating though, neither of us could break up with each other... we love each other too much, we'd never let go."

One of those things...

"Caleb, what about Shaina?"

"Yeah no. If something started, it wouldn't end."

Yep. We both said the same thing to other people... maybe we knew a long time, but it just didn't make sense.

I'm willing to say that.

Now that I am free to say out loud, "I'm going to marry Caleb Arb!!!!" I just feel free...

Yes. I am female. I hate admitting it, I truly do. I don't like being girly and swoony and all "oh my gosh!"

But let's get real. There is no one more girly and more of a female than a Shaina in love.

I can try all I want not to melt and get teary, and smile like a total idiot... but it is impossible to quench.

So I'm just gonna give up and yield to the moment.

I intend to absorb it all, and experience it all.

So. Let me introduce myself.

My name is Shaina, and I am about to be the biggest sap you'll ever know. Pleased to meet you.