Chapter 1

I like telling stories. Especially when they're recalling memories of the man I'm going to marry, and myself from before things really started.

I've decided I'll tell stories. No one may read these memories but our families, and Caleb. That's ok with me. I just want to reflect. It makes me appreciate where I am in life when I reflect on the context. When I remember the path that brought me here.

Now, it was Spring semester 2010. I was taking COR 302, Science and Christianity with Prof Zahniser. I blogged a lot about that class, actually. It was soon that I realized this class would be difficult. It was a lot of thought-provoking stuff. It was very intense at times, debating some really tough subjects. At a Christian school, it can be deceiving the views shared by students and professors. Often, I'd disagree with the views we discussed.

There were not many conservatives in the class when it came to some subjects.

I sat in the front row.

I sat there because my friends sat up there, and they enjoy the front. I did not. But I didn't have that many friends at the time. I was rather quiet. Coming out of a season in my life, I was only just starting to extend myself to other people. I don't like the front of the classroom. I like experiencing the rest of the class, not turning my back to them.

Behind me a few rows back, sat Caleb Arb. I knew that guy. He was my brother's RC. I didn't really know him. I saw him around. He seemed very cool. I liked how he was so kind to people, my brother included. He was so nice to me and my family when Zach moved in the previous Fall. Zach would tell me how he would go to Caleb for advice at times, and that Caleb was really trustworthy.

The first few times I heard Caleb respond to a pressing debating question in that class, I liked what I heard. It was encouraging. Sometimes I felt I was on my own debating certain things. Let's be real. Science and Christianity can seem like they truly butt heads. When you believe they don't, how can you speak clearly and convincingly that both science and my faith compliment one another?

There were times in that class that met 3 times a week, where I would say something, and falter a bit. And then Prof Zahniser would call on Caleb, who I'd listen to while facing forward more often than not.

"I agree with what Shaina said..." Eureka! Maybe I was actually making sense!

So I decided I'd return the favor and name drop back when appropriate.

"I agree with Caleb..."

Now at this point, I simply liked him like I like chocolate milk. I appreciated him. He made me feel affirmed in that class while much of the time I struggled to articulate my thoughts. I get particularly passionate when it comes to subjects concerning my faith and world views and science. I would talk a lot. And so did Caleb. Or so I remember.

Towards the beginning of that semester, I was in another relationship. So the way I viewed Caleb was definitely more appreciative and friendly and only within the classroom. Just how I am. And how I was. I didn't really extend myself very far to girls at that time either.

During that semester when that other relationship ended, God really worked on my heart a lot. I started to call people to hang out. I started being more out going. I started to become more like myself again.

Towards the end of that semester, Caleb and I would back each other up in the class, from rows away from each other. I remember I started to look forward to the class because I looked forward to being around Caleb, and listening to him talk. He was so smart, and so passionate about his faith and how he viewed things. He was so personable, and out going.

I remember walking out with Caleb once.

"Hey Shaina, thanks for backing me up today... I feel like there aren't that many people that have the same views as us and its so hard to figure out how to say it...."

"I know, seriously... thanks for backing me up, too."

He was wearing his green sweatshirt. For some reason it just thrilled me that he talked to me. He was so genuine and I loved it. He affirmed my logic, which I would always feel self conscious of. I thought he was so smart. I'm not as smart as everyone thinks. Sure I was ahead in college, and a lot younger than people in my class. But I often felt I didn't have anything more to offer than the people 2 years before me. He made me feel affirmed.

One night, I had a dream. I dreamed I was sitting next to Caleb. I hardly remember the details, but he was holding my hand or something like that... then I woke up...and just like that... I could not get the guy out of my head. It drove me nuts. I wrote lyrics later... "Just because I dreamed of you... you think you belong in my head..." Who does this dream Caleb think he is... showing up in my dream. I was a little frustrated. Suck to me like glue.

At some point I gave a group presentation on abortion and the emotional side of it. I had spent some time on my hair and make up that day. Definitely not a habit of mine for morning classes. I remember feeling slightly sad when I saw Caleb was not in his chair when we started. About half way through our presentation, he walked in. He looked like he just rolled out of bed. I averted my eyes. I was nervous he'd see that I was relieved he was there. Nervous people around me would notice I perked up and probably spoke more confidently.

It was then I realized... but would never admit...Somebody's got a crush.

After class, I sat at Caleb's table with my brother. I called Caleb out on skipping my presentation.

He took a spoonful of his Lucky Charms and said, "I KNOW!!! I was so upset... I'm so sorry I missed some of it..." he had missed his alarm.

I was pleased with his response. After lunch I went to Adam Bros Coffee House down the road to study. I invited the whole table, and Zach said he'd meet me there. I was so satisfied when Caleb came out of his car, too when Zach pulled up.

I'll stop here. I'd call this appropriately Chapter 1.