By your side

Last night I taught swing dancing for a group of high school homeschooled kids. The 4-H Burlington COunty Players, to be exact.

Yes, it is going back to my routes, to be sure. I remember when I learned how to swing dance in the same group.

It was so precious to me last night though when a girl (whose name I can't remember... how horrible is that...) came up to me when I snuck in early during their rehearsal before dance. She thanked me for coming out every week and teaching, because she loves it so much. She said it's her favorite part, and she's always wanted to learn. She said everyone looks forward to it so much.

I love going in there and being with the high schoolers. Totes. But it was really sweet that she said that to me. I really should make a better effort to learn these people's names... it's so bad. There are so many, I can't keep up.

Anyway, not more than 30 seconds after this girl-with-a-name walked off, another little freshman girl came up to me. I used to teach this little lady Latin back in the day. I won't get in detail, because I know some people who read my blog could know her.

Anyway, she small talked with me, and I loved how she came all the way back in the auditorium to talk to me. She quickly opened up though. I wasn't expecting her to. I think part of me was shocked how emotional and real-life she's become. She was so young when I used to teach her. It's so easy to remember her as always being 9 or 10-years-old, and to see her as a child.

She told me how frustrating and confusing this year has been for her. It was so unbearably precious to me, because it's so easy for me to see how precious her heart is, though she's going through these struggles. This is her first year of high school. She told me she feels like she doesn't really fit in, and how hurt she is by an old friend who "ditched her." She told me how she doesn't want to think about boys, but awkwardly told me how she thinks one likes her.

It was way too precious. Oh. My. Gosh.

Now, my usual response is to offer advice. I like to. To me, it's how I show I'm involved and hearing what the person's saying. But I felt such a peace and knowing that the best thing I could possibly do was listen to her. So I did. I kept my eyes locked on her, and listened, and smiled at her.

I think she was asking for answers. But I think she already had them. She kept telling me the advice her mom had already given her, which was perfect advice. I had no further comments. I told her how I could relate and remember a lot of similar experiences. I encouraged her, and told her how proud I am of how she's handling situations. Oh, this girl is so precious.

I tell this story, not because I think I'm awesome because I "listened" to someone more than I spoke. But more because I'm increasingly pulled towards it. I think God is showing me how to be more of a listener.

I love conversations. I love connecting with people. But I think God is changing my heart a little and showing me, strengthening me to listen more than I usually do.

He's definitely giving me more opportunities to do so. And it goes against the grain for me. I feel pressure to speak sometimes. I don't like awkward discussions with awkward silences. But that's not what listening means. Listening doesn't mean you let the air go stale in the middle of conversations. It's a heart-thing. I really think it is.

At least it has been for me. It's a change in my spirit. Instead of taking on someone's situation as my own, I feel more of a pull to come along side of her. To live life with the person. Not to make myself Super-Shai.

I think that I'm starting to get it. Why it says we are to bear each other's burdens. It's about "coming along side" of each other.

It's a cool concept, and I like it. I want to get better at it.