Barrier

Hi.

You know... I work hard. I probably do too much, in all honesty. And I know it. But I'm also that person who believe s we should do hard things. Push ourselves to our limits. Then make sure we have people in our lives who take care of us.

Ok. I had the worst experience today. Seriously, my heart is in my chest remembering. Ok, it wasn't the worst experience, but it just knocked my balance a little.

We have a new student in school, starting today. His name is Johann, and he's Korean. He doesn't speak English, and no one at school speaks Korean.

When I was aiding his classroom today, reading stories to all the kindergardeners, he just sat in the middle of the reading rug, and cried. He pulled his hand down, and held on to his neck and face and sobbed quietly. The other children of course turn to him and stare. They were concerned for him, and kept smiling at him telling him it was ok. It was impressive for kindergardeners to be honest.

But as I sat in front and read to them from a silly Valentine's Day book, I was struggling not to go nuts myself. Aghhh I can't stand it when little ones cry! Especially when they didn't do anything wrong.

When they make themselves cry out of stupid petty stuff, I'm quite the teacher with a whip. I am, it's kind of hilarious.

Anyway, we all went back to our seats at our tables, and got out the snacks for snack time. Johann didn't know the word snack. One of the other little girls got his lunch bag and gave it to him. He tearfully sat down, and I helped him open his string cheese. He kept closing his eyes, and crying, and holding his tummy. Another little girl came over and gave him a little Dove chocolate. I helped him open it, but it started melting in his hands. He ate it after a few minutes, and opened his chocolatey hands to me.

We wiped his hands clean, and he kept trying to talk to me in Korean.

I was so destroyed in that moment. I felt like going home and memorizing every Korean word I possibly could, just so I could help him feel a little more understood. A little less lost.

He continued to hold his tummy, and cry. He wouldn't eat his string cheese, so I took him out to the hallway, holding onto his hand. He calmed down, and kept speaking in rapid Korean to me, relief so evident in his teary eyes. I tried taking him to the bathroom, but he didn't have to go. He pushed his face into my stomach and I tried pointing to the water fountain in the hallway. Maybe he was thirsty?

I took him to the office to take his temperature. That stomach bug was going around... I was worried he would throw up. I kept seeing him lean over with his tummy in his hands... I took him to get his temp not because I actually thought he was sick. I think his stomach hurt form crying on and off all day, before I even got to his classroom.

He held onto my hand, and after no temperature, we went back upstairs to his classroom. He started crying again after likely realizing he was heading back to his classroom, and not to his family.

I sat him back down at his table, and talked to his teacher for a few minutes, before heading out. I had to keep my schedule which I had already gotten behind on. Johann started crying again when he saw me walk out. I was probably the only one who gave him individual attention today.

I am so affected by this... I kept thinking today afterwards how he had no one to understand him, no one he could understand.

I felt such a strong pressure on my heart for this kid. It made me completely ache. I hated it. I could have cried so many times in this 40-minute period.

I felt like God was showing me something... I couldn't do anything to understand this child. I couldn't do anything to help him understand me better than he already was. So much chaos. So much confusion, and frustration.

Yet God is the literal only One that there is absolutely nothing between Him and us. There is nothing at all we have to overcome to communicate with Him. We don't have to explain anything, or help Him with gestures pointing towards what we're talking about. The freedom of being understood in this world is such deep and complete utter relief... today I felt paralyzed with compassion for this child. I kept thinking, "God, help me with this kid!" I was desperate.

I don't know. I just felt like God was making it a little lesson for me. He understands. No matter what language or silence barrier we come at Him with. He understands. He knew what the little boy was saying when I washed his chubby chocolate coated fingers clean. Oi vey.