Green

OK there are a great many things I could blog about right now. I just got back from Nashville. I could write endlessly about the things on my mind. I am exactly female. I can talk for ever. My apologies.

But you know what? I'm not gonna write about that right now.

Because something is increasingly weighing on me.

Something God keeps bringing to my attention.

Over and over.

And over again.

I've said it before... to be satisfied with something, you have to have enough of it in you to be satisfied.

Ok... so you know how people say, "Jesus is enough for me. I am satisfied with God." And it's this heart-aching, gut-wrenching thing to say because with all your heart you want it to be true but it just feels like it's just not? You hate yourself for it, but it's the truth. You don't feel Him being enough. You don't feel satisfied. You still feel like you're left wanting.

I'm gonna be honest. I feel like that more often than not. I am constantly eating my fill, then expecting the magic fairy dust of intimacy with Christ to last a lifetime because of one time with God in the night.

A relationship is work. We all know this. We've experienced what it's like to "do all the work."

And I constantly leave all the work to God.

What I'm getting at, is I want to be satisfied. All the time. At every moment. Not just at random moments... gosh I just truly long for the other side of heaven... when I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

Tonight that Psalm I've heard a thousand times and again means something sweet. He is my Shepherd, and I will not want. I will not grow tired and give up on my constant pursuit of my Savior. I will be satisfied because I am full of Him. He gives me peace, He gives me rest. The leaves are frozen off the trees, but His grass is green. And I will dwell in His house forever... gosh I just can't wait for that.

Psalm 23

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.