Connect the dots

There are so many things I could write about tonight. One of them being how badly I just need to sleep...

So... I'm just gonna say my life is so crazy, and I love it and get frustrated with it.

This past weekend I went to Greenville.

Oh, the times I cried. I cried a lot actually. For me, not really exactly expecting to cry... that's all it takes. I never cry when I expect to.

Since this summer, my whole life has changed. Because my heart has changed. Not because I am living in Jersey, and because of where I'm working, though those things influence what music plays on the dance floor of my heart... it's not what makes the dance floor.

No, no, no. My heart has changed.

I just described it to my best friend as feeling like until this Summer, in many ways I've lived my life like it's a cardboard box.

I used to always imagine weird things when i'd lie in bed at night. I like writing letters to people and I used to send packages and stuff to pen pals and all that. I would lay in bed, and think of the four walls around my bedroom being like the boxes I'd send my friends.

It's weird, I know. You'd been warned.

But I'd imagine what it'd be like if someone opened the roof of my bedroom, and found me inside. I thought it'd be cool to send myself to someone. Hahha, yeah i was like 10 so don't make fun.

So... now let's go with this... I've lived my life that way a little bit. But the box top had never been opened. Until this Summer.

And now that the box has been opened, that means that I've been shipped, and landed in the right Hands.

And I know I have.

So now the box is open, and the roof is so much higher... there is so much to be done and so much to be lived and so much hope. Oh there is so much hope!

My life is one series of question marks after another. And questions are not mistakes. Questions are merely a response to what is to come... to the anticipation we feel. We're always anticipating. We're always trying to connect the dots, even when we don't know what number comes next.

So I guess I can say i've just gotten flooded with a series of numbers in my life of Connect the Dots.

And what is ridiculous with letting God drive the pen that connects the dots... is I have no idea how the heck this Guy counts. Cause it's not 1....2....3.... no I've never seen some of these numbers God connects the path to. I can't tell if He's counting by 10's or 5's or 13's or 405's. You know what I mean. It's not simple.

But I don't want to dwell in the fact that I don't understand God sized mathematics. I'll stick to teaching 2nd grade math. Because that's about all I can handle.

But we don't need to understand the numbers. We don't need to understand why one dot connects to the other.

We're in a box. We're in the right hands. Those hands have opened the box. And we can stay in the cardboard, or get out and follow His hilarious and hopeful leading to wherever He's inviting us to go.

Goodnight.