Sweet home

Aug. 21. 11

Here I am.

There’s a candle burning in front of me. I just lit the match, and caught the flame on the wick in the jar. The fragrance is sweet. Hmmm… since the scent is “Home Sweet Home”, that sounds about right.

This is my first night in my new apartment.

I’m alone. Very reflective. I’ve never been this alone. Not in a bad way. I have my own room for the first time in my life… Zach and I had our own rooms when we were wee babes. But we’d go sleep in each other’s rooms often enough it never mattered. At home (my parent’s house… that’s gonna take a while to get used to…) I shared a room with Caleigh and Soph.

This is a unique experience. I’ve never before lived by myself.

Although, my grandma is on the other side of the wall.

HAH! So… as on my own as I am, it’s still a rather “safe” move.

The apartment is attached to Grandma’s house. I still can’t get to her house unless I go out my door and walk into hers our front. Yet still. It’s a nice thing.

I feel like tonight marks a new thing in my life. The end of something, and the beginning of something else.

I will gladly claim tonight as the end of the horror and frustration of this past summer… review the past blogs after graduation… it was rough. It really was.

But it was a season I could not have done without. I know that so well.

Because God broke me and bent me in ways He never has before. He taught me things I wouldn’t have been able to swallow for the bitterness, if I hadn’t been so starved for God to communicate with me…

It’s just like when you’re hungry, and craving a certain thing. Nothing else is palatable. Nothing. Until you’re so hungry that even something you never used to like suddenly becomes the best meal you’ve ever eaten.

You don’t see people in third world countries say, “I’d rather not eat that… I’m craving something sweeter.” No. They’re hungry. They’ll eat.

So have I been this summer. I felt like my Spirit was so swept clean that I would take anything I got.

I’m basically poor. But God has provided in the nick of time.

I love this life. I love living on the edge. Because God is always there.

You know how some people are addicted to extreme sports? They feel alive. That’s sort of how I feel right now. Not like I love feeling like I can’t afford everything. But it’s what makes me feel the presence of God. The reassurance that He is in control. And that He knows what we need.

And that He provided what we need.

I hope I never lose sight of how it’s God that provided everything for us.

I want my home sweet home to always be in His arms. With a sweet fragrance of a sacrifice of praise, always palatable to His mouth, holy and pleasing.

Ok… time to sleep in my bed for the first time…

This is surreal.