Fish and bread

I'm having one of those nights... I had a great day with some friends today. Survived an earthquake, a hurricane, and tornado warning in the same five days. Life's been exciting, and good. Right?

It really has.

But I find myself aching over some things. I find myself throbbing worse than that 30 second tremor last Tuesday. Everyone is back at Greenville now, and it's honestly making me just miss everyone so badly. I love people so deeply. And I just miss them.

So my heart is heavy tonight for a few reasons. And one of them, is I just do not know what God is doing. I don't know how He's going to make things work in my life.

This is absurd. Read my past blogs this Summer. God has done miracle after miracle in my life. I'm astounded. I shouldn't despair, and yet I do. Oh me of little, little faith. While my faith has been added by scores of measures this Summer, I still am finding the places I'm still lacking.

Tonight I read John 6:5-7.


5 When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” 6 He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.

7 Philip answered him, “It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!”


BAHAHAHHA... Jesus was just testing Philip. He ALREADY KNEW what he was gonna do about it.

Then Philip answered in despair. He replied in his uncertainty and fear.

Then God fed five thousand people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.

I relate to Philip. I feel like God's saying, "So Shaina Joy, what we gonna do about this?" Meaning, basically, my dreams. My life. My hopes, my desires. I'm overwhelmed by a few things tonight, hang in there with me. Sorry for being vague...

But my response is, "Lord... I don't know..." My doubt. My lack of faith. My confusion. My pain, and fear.

But you know what... God fed 5,000 people with a small boy's lunch.

I think He can deliver again. I know He can... I'm waiting, and trusting with whatever faith I do have.

I guess tonight, as I go to sleep, I'm offering Him my bread. And my fish.