I've been in a writing mood lately. I kept trying to get around to blogging, but something would get in the way, or my better self would remind me of all the things yet to be done for classes. And now I find myself pleasantly planted on my bed, with time to take my thoughts to a keyboard. Rice beside me with a water bottle ready to extinguish the fire pepper... I am ready.
Today I was extremely tired. I think I am every Monday and Wednesday though. I have 6 classes on those days, sometimes 7 depending on if I have another ensemble practice or not. And it begins much earlier than I feel necessary. After my first class today, I went to chapel. It was preview day today, so there were a lot of people looking at the school. I sat in a row of people I didn't know, some preview students, some not. Anyway, during the message, I kept nodding off. I kept having these bizarre dreams... and I think I jumped twice. I'd quietly look around to make sure I wasn't being written up for snoozing in chapel. I remember one "dream" that lasted about 4 seconds or so. I thought a girl I know was sitting next to me, and was showing me something in her notebook. I leaned over to see what it was in my dream, and then I snapped back awake. I really hope I didn't actually lean over on the girl next to me. I honestly don't know for sure I was just dreaming... How bout we just conclude just for fun that I actually am capable of controlling myself? Awesome.
Later today I helped my sister Caleigh edit an essay she was working on. I will unabashedly proclaim I love to write. I even enjoy writing essays much of the time. It's like a journey where you already have an idea of where you're going, but you explore new ways to get there. It's so cool. I am a nerd in many ways. I'm even wearing my glasses right now, so it's completely legitimate. But, as I was helping Caleigh, my mind kept reeling. Like I was fishing and kept tossing my line into the water. I was supposed to be reeling in fish (or suggestions for Caleigh). But I kept bringing in other things too. Ahh the wonderful findings of the sea! I kept thinking of what I could do if I were teaching a writing class. The truth is out! I miss teaching! I miss it so much, it's all I think about sometimes. When I'm in classes here, I analyze the teaching techniques my teachers use. Especially Prof. Weiss. She's my theory teacher, and she is the best theory teacher I've had in college. She comes up with so many ways to explain things, and all of these hilarious (and most certainly memorable) tricks to help us all remember rules. And best of all, her passion is absolutely illuminating. We all adore her. We all hope to please her and make her proud of us.
So why am I pursuing music and not education? UM DUH! It's music ok? That's the deal, and that's what's up! For now anyway:)
I miss all of my adorable and brilliantly bright students I had last school year. I miss watching the spark catch them into full fires of understanding. It was so rewarding. I was so proud of every one of them.
Sometimes I wonder if the joy I have in teaching is just a taste of what it will be like to be a mom. I got to have my students with me for only a few hours a week. I got to watch them progress in small areas. It energized me. I excited me. I anticipated being with them again. I couldn't wait to be a source of encouragement to them when they felt discouraged with difficult concepts and demanding challenges. I loved having that opportunity to be someone they could maybe remember when they look back at their early education. But being a mom... you're there all the time. You have no choice but to be remembered. I cannot think of anything more exciting.
Anyone who knows me probably knows my obsession with babies. It's a radar that goes off. Every time I see one, I say, "Baby!" I can't help it. They're a weakness for me. I can't stand seeing one, and not being able to hold that precious bundle of cute in my arms.
I miss working at Marlton Christian Academy too. All those silly little munchkins.... they were packets of fireworks some days. I loved being with them. Of course there were times I did not feel like going to work at all, but it always turned me around when I'd walk in and they'd surround me with hugs around my legs. They'd only reach my waist, but always got to my heart anyway. Young children can be so willing to love, so willing to be loved. I loved loving them. I loved getting to tell them how proud they made me when they behaved. I loved getting to understand them, even when they weren't obeying and smacked another kid, or spit on someone. They were hilarious, and I felt honored sometimes to be allowed the task of watching over them and influencing them, and disciplining them when necessary, when their parents were unable to. It was so cool to be trusted with that. It was no small thing.
Anyway, all this to say, I miss teaching. I don't know how long it will be until I can stand at a dry erase board again with a strongly scented marker in my hand. It was so awesome though.
Whew! The rice is just about finished. I can't believe last week already is. I spent so much time anticipating this last weekend too. I got to visit Aija! Time is such a pesky little punk. Sometimes I imagine Time as a mischievous little primate that looks so cute and cuddly, then as you close your eyes, he steals the banana in your hands and pulls your bandana down in front of your eyes as he runs away through the vines, branches and leaves till he is unseen, untouched. (Imagine a jungle scene) Time can bring you right where you want to be, but still has it's own agenda that somehow we must follow whether we want to or not.
This weekend was awesome though. Even if the reality is banished to mere memory. Silly Time.
Well, I suppose I should shower now. I finally have time to do that as well. Time might be a sneaky primate in my head, but I don't wanna smell like one! And so ta ta my friends! May your Bananas and Bandanas stay in place as long as they may!
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