Leaf piles

Dark dove chocolate. It's what fills my mouth right now. Smooth, sweet, deliciousness. What fills my head right now is anything but smooth and sweet.

Finals week. I'm more blessed than I realize I know, since all my exams are not really exams this week. Last week was hell week for me. Music majors seem to have the brunt of pressure the week before finals. Juries, performances, practices, and when all projects and things of the like are due. I'm amazed I never lost my voice. Good thing too. I passed everything in my jury:)

I need to just focus my thoughts right now. Rearrange my mind. It's like my thoughts are spread out like fallen leaves off a tree. If I want to enjoy those leaves, I'd only hurt myself if I jumped into them before they were all gathered together. Imagine that... you know in my urgency to get on with it, I might even try to get a running start. And lo. What a painful time for a tailbone. I don't recommend trying it. I've experience. Metaphorically. It's better to jump into a pile of leaves that will cushion your fall a little better than 3 or 4 on the cold, hard ground.

So this is my attempt to get my thoughts together.

So strange is it to consider this is my last time in college in December. My last finals week for the Fall semester. SO strange this time next year I don't even know for sure where I'll be. Although you may or may not have heard that I may be looking at some positions in Nashville once I'm graduated. Songwriting man. It's gotta give. Let's hope.

There are a great many things I'm looking forward to. Like going home in three days. We're not going back to Jersey till Friday since we're going to be recording likely on Thursday. Heck it might end up being Friday as well, and then leaving for Jerz on Saturday. That's exciting. To get to have some nicer recordings. Better demoish stuff when we meet with some song pluggers and producers. Good stuff. Exciting stuff. I'm so ready for it. So ready.

This is a point in my life I'm absolutely baffled by. I wrote a song a few years ago with the line "The world's at my feet, so why am I stuck to my seat?" And right now, I'm sort of seeing a similar portrait. The world is at my feet. But I don't feel stuck to my seat. I'm 20, and graduating in a few very short months. I can do, be whatever I want. I can go home. I can live in my dearest New Jersey and have a great job teaching all those kids I adore. Be with my friends and family. I can go to grad school instead of doing it all online. I can not do grad school if I don't want to... which is becoming a little more attractive to me lately. I just keep thinking, "Why?" If what I want to do is music... why? At this point, the answers I have for that question aren't the ones that satisfy. They might satisfy a culture I don't really like very much. The culture that frowns upon a lot of things I do. If Culture were a face, I'd slap both cheeks in a very fluid and forceful manner.

What it looks like I'm going to be doing is this: finishing this year, my senior year at Greenville College with some of the best people on the planet. Then home for the summer. I've toyed with an internship in Nashville... highly recommended before trying to get a job down there... but it just might not work out that way. So right now, I'm thinking home and work for the summer. And then getting down to business down there. Nashville. Zach and me. Right now, that's what's going through my head. I just need to go after it. The world's at my feet. And I'm standing on them. And one of them needs to start walking in front of the other. We'll see where God leads 'em.

So this is the beginning of my pile of leaves. Kinda feeling blisters the way a rake leaves it's mark after raking for a while.

On to writing some papers. Thanks for jumping in the leaves with me.