Got milk?

Merry Christmas!

Ahh... there is no holiday like Christmas. I feel oddly aloof this year. I suppose this is just a time in my life where it literally feels like the whole world is staring at me, and waiting for my next move... I'm about to enter the New Year. The year that practically has me wearing a blindfold. I only know that one thing will happen: I'll graduate. I'll graduate from college. The number 20 is still a little flimsy, like the halo on the angel that keeps falling off. I've seen that ornament a few times this year. If you don't know what I'm talking about, nevermind.

So, I just turned 20. No more teens. I'm quite alright with that. But with that comes a future I didn't meet head on yet. I noticed something tonight... as a very reflective person, Christmas and the New Year literally bombard me with realizations. I'm practically on my knees under the load that hits me every year. The whole year unfolds like a Giant Red Carpet, expecting me to understand every lesson I've learned, every answer I asked for and didn't ask for... and then expecting me to walk down it calmly into the new year. 2011. Have mercy.

What is hilarious, is things don't make sense until they're over. Allow me to explain. It's like we're eating this crazy rich chocolate pie... and we desperately need milk. For some reason, we end up needing to finish the whole plate before we get the milk. By that point, we feel sick, and sarcastically accept the glass of white liquid with an eye-roll that clearly and impatiently reveals our frustration as if to say, "Nice of you to show up, Pal."

What if we didn't even want the pie? What if we were already full? What if we weren't in the mood for pie? There's nothing more unsatisfying than trying to satisfy hunger with that which we weren't even craving. What if we weren't even hungry, and just wanted a drink? Then what?

Life's like that. Sometimes it makes us sick.

And sometimes the refreshment doesn't even feel refreshing by the time we get it.

And so one more week remains of 2010. I've said it before... I like to live life, and feel every bruise, every pain, every hurt as fully as possibly. As fully as I feel every moment full of joy, and love, and hope. Like holding on to a rope that's being pulled with fierce speed through my enclosed fingers... leaving behind the blood and burn of holding on. I'd rather say I felt every piece of the rope.

The same is true tonight. Christmas always humbles me. Always breaks me. Always leaves me full.

And then the milk comes.

The answers I waited for... all through the year, they come back to me at once. And all at once I look back on them.

I think I know how Santa must feel at the end of his Christmas journey... another cookie and he just might explode.

So I've got my "milk" to wash down the rest of the year. Even though some swigs might feel long over due.

Merry Christmas world. God is so good. So so good. Like a fire after a chill. Like a breeze in the heat. Like a Savior to the World. Like a baby in a manger. What a beautiful day.