Nine

The next day was graduation. The choir was seated behind the risers we would sing on. As people took their seats, I noticed Caleb walk in to my left, only a few feet away. He noticed me, too, and we waved. But my heart sunk. Whatever there had been between us did not seem to be there anymore.

I looked down at my blue dress. A dress I'd wear again on August 18th, 2012, which would be a special day, nearly two and a half years later.

The next morning, Zach and I left to head back to NJ with another NJ friend also from 3rd Oak. Caleb checked Zach out of his room. It was so sad... I didn't know what was happening. Leaving Greenville. It was my home. I didn't like the idea of not being there.

And then there was Caleb. Who seemed farther and farther away from the guy I got to know studying in the library. He gave me a distant hug goodbye, and I stuffed myself into the pile of stuff in the back of Zach's car.

My heart was in such a mess of emotions. I liked Caleb so much, but felt like I'd been such a fool. I felt like my hand had been slapped. How dare I assume a guy I liked so much would enjoy my presence just as much as I did his? Shame on me.

That Summer I texted him a few times. Meaningless conversations that didn't go very far. I chopped my long hair off, and told him about it on facebook. That conversation didn't last long either.

I'd go for long walks with my best friend all summer. Our first walk's conversations consisted of Bi telling me about her new boyfriend, and me telling her how much I liked Caleb. How amazing he was. How much fun I had with him. How I loved his face, and his eyes, and how much he made me laugh.
How I never thought I'd see myself with someone who wasn't a musician, but how Caleb was better than my own dreaming.

But that didn't last through the summer. Actually, it only lasted about a week or two at most.

The story goes on to basically forgetting about him through the Summer. And being so glad for it.

By the end of the summer... I was broken hearted and frustrated, and confused. But not because of Caleb.

When I went back to Greenville that August, I was nervous to see Caleb. I knew I was definitely not interested in him anymore, but part of me was nervous I'd fall back into that trap.

That year, our senior year, he was one of Zach's roommates. And he was also a member of our COR 401 group. Basically our senior project team.

In short, I could not hold any grudge or let myself be afraid of him. Afraid of hurting for his lack of attention or liking him again.

So I didn't hold a grudge. It'd be too much work, and I was fragile already due to the things that transpired over that Summer.

It was the Back to School Bash, and I still hadn't seen Caleb, though I'd been at school for 5 days. School started the next day. I saw Caleb walking up around Ganton Circle, so I decided I'd extend myself and get it over with. I said hello.

He gave me a side hug, and was kind, but similar to the way he said goodbye to me that May. Clearly uninterested.

It was later that night I'd found out he was "with" someone else. A girl I didn't know.

Good. I didn't have to think of him ever again.