Cold feet

You know what I've discovered? I hate the common. I hate the old. I hate when fresh turns stale.

There are morning I wake up and my hands feel dry. Sometimes my feet do too. I really don't like it. It's disheartening. My socks don't always protect my toes from the bite of the night. Stale. Cold feet. Having no relation to anxiety whatsoever. Limp. I hate it.

I hate when I use the washing machines here at Greenville, and my black shirts might as well be gray. I like it bright. I like it bold. Those darn machines chew my colors pale.

Some of the most disappointing moments come after I spend a lot of time on my appearance. I spend the day feeling like my face and hair is still quite as perfect as it was hours before when I put the straightener away and closed the tube in my mascara... all to find the primping deflated throughout the day and I look rather... normal.

Common. Nothing special. Ordinary. Pale. Lame.

I hate when my faith becomes common. Common itself is sickeningly unexciting. It's easy to say. It rolls of the tongue because you hardly even need a tongue to say it, and it lets your lips be lazy. As a vocal major, I've learned well the easy sounds to make. An "m" is as close to a resting point as you can get.

I'm in the part of my semester that everything blends together, and I just can't wait to catch up to Thanksgiving, and finally get a break. I'm tired. I took an hour and a half nap today. I'm still tired. I have so much to do, but I don't really want to do it. There are so many things going on, and even though they're exciting things sometimes, I don't really care. The days have become common. I go to the same classes. I wake up at the same time everyday. I wear the same shoes, and tie a scarf around my tan-less neck and walk out the door with my bag full of books. I sing for hours, and come home and suck on a cough drop to try to soothe the hard working vocal cords. I drink a ton of water. Shower. Aghh everything is just so common!

The thing that pricks me like open eyes at 6 am, is that God calls us to be uncommon. Because He is out of this world. He is NOT common. Common is unexciting, and ordinary. But the entire concept of being a Christian is the most indescribable thing. And I don't even know what to do with the weight of the common in life. I don't want a common life. I don't like common moments. I don't like the "same old." It's boring. It's unfulfilling really. It's a sorry excuse. It's blind eyes in a world of vibrance. It's sick.

I don't want to be common. That's all.