Jubilus

Tonight was the first Vespers that our team led worship. I am utterly unable to describe it. To say "Ya had to be there" is cheap and over-used. But I don't think I can find words that come close to describing what cannot be described.

Freedom in worship is something that changes people. Looking out from the stage and seeing so much desperation and freedom in our worshiping student body... I'm seriously just stupid right now. I can't find words.

All I wanted to do tonight was scream. Make it louder. I can't sing loud enough. I can't play loud enough. I wanted to jump higher. Shout with everything I've got and everything I didn't even have. I didn't care. I had so much energy flowing it was dumbfounding.

I blogged a few weeks ago about worship requiring all of our hearts but not always all of our energy. I'm still stickin to that story. But there are times when the Spirit is just moving... you better get outa the way or you're going down. So much energy in the Spirit. It cannot be contained within us. No wonder David lost his mind and worshipped like a fool! It's more that he lost HIS mind, and become only existent with the Mind of Christ. The Mind of God... I guess Christ wasn't there at that point in history. But eventually, we just lose our own minds, and are only filtered through the mind of God.

Tonight was the first time I felt entirely unneeded as a worship leader. Those worshippers I was "leading" were going to worship no matter what I did. If I didn't sing a note, they'd still sing. They'd still be jumping around, they'd still be shouting praises to the Lord. They'd still be weeping and shouting in worship. I was completely stunned, and released in such joy in worship. There was no line between the "worship leaders" and "everyone else." We were all worshippers. We worshipped together tonight. How earth shakingly amazing. I am stunned.

And so I write this blog while breaking from studying for Music in Worship... huge exam tomorrow. I've been studying my life away the past few days, and I still don't think I'm there. Much to be done, and it is indeed past 1 am. Tomorrow will be a busy, crazy and hectic day. I think it will be a good one, but it's gonna be slow going getting to the more restful parts. Chamber Singers set out for Indianapolis at 1:30 pm... I have to be all prettied up with hair and make up and a dress for the 5 hour drive. Oooooo la la!!

Oh man... but God is so good. I guess I better get back to studying how people back in the Middle Ages used to express the same thing we did tonight at Vespers... I could use some of that Jesus energy right now... But fear not. The weekend is near. Again I say rejoice.

PS. My title Jubilus means "rejoicing." Augustine used this term for the type of chant singing that was characterized by the musical extension of the final syllable of "The Allelujah." Think Gregorian chant. I've been studying all of this, and it's interesting to note that scholars believe that this "Jubilus" music may have been a result of the "outpouring of the Holy Spirit" and "singing in tongues." After tonight at Vespers, this title seemed more than appropriate.