Ten Days

In ten days, I'll be in my white dress, at a reception, dancing and celebrating with so many friends and family members.

In ten days I'll be wearing a wedding ring.

I have to take so many reality checks throughout the days to remind myself to breathe, and enjoy the moment.

Sometimes I think I do well, and other times I feel like I'm drowning in anxiety and nerves. Stress.

I want everything to be perfect, but I also just don't want things to be complicated. I like simplicity. I like ease.

Weddings were never an easy feat, I realize this. And I confess it's harder, and more work than I'd known.

Days pass so quickly, I feel like I can't really catch my breath. Although, I'll tell you a secret. I'm slightly relieved I'm overwhelmed. I'm glad I'm anxious and in need of resuscitation.

I don't want this rope to slide through my unclenched hands. I want it to burn me, and I want to feel every fiber pass through hands that feel.

I want to experience this time of my life. I don't want to to vanish before I remembered to hold it close.

And so this Thanksgiving Eve, I'm thankful for a heart that feels, despite the events that have transpired in the past. The grievances endured did not breathe easy on me, nor do they on anyone. Tragedy is an everyday occurrence. Making it out another day is nothing less than a miracle some days.

I'm blessed. I'm so thankful. I'm overwhelmed by the Lord's kindness, and His Life when mine is dim and aimless.

One year ago, I was writing a song called, "Say It First." I couldn't eat, I could barely sleep. Texts from Caleb kept me awake at night, past the time he'd already said good-night. I couldn't get him out of my head. And today, not much has changed. Yet, everything has changed.

I... am so, so thankful.