Next

Of course I am reflective.

I cannot refrain from experiencing last year anew, in light of today. In light of what I know, now.

I keep thinking back to last year, and experiencing it with the hope of what has happened despite so much uncertainty.

I know I'll do the same next June.

I'll think back to right now, and think, "Ahhh, those days were precious," because I'll see the outcome.

That's how God must feel, a little bit.

Knowing so fully the plans He has, and knowing so fully the outcome.

If only I'd feel his prodding, His constant reassurance. His grace, his mercy, his love in every moment.

I keep getting discouraged in so many ways, and essentially doubting His ability to carry me.

What does that even mean? For God to carry me... what does that entail? Surely I must do something...

I am confused.

I feel like life is like this: walking along mindlessly, and somehow getting pranked with a barrel of water getting poured on you from an above window.

Now, you are drenched. Great.

Now, I am drenched, and I don't really know what it's like to be dry. And relating to the Lord is like trying to recall dry, warm comfort, when I'm cold, and soaking wet.

Society tells me to "do." And quite frankly, I'm good at that. I like being in control. I like accomplishing. I like doing things for myself.

But when Jesus tells me to rest, and let Him take over everything...  I am confused.

Here in my life now, I stumble upon another, a new "what next" time.

I guess that question isn't mine to answer. But I'll get a good view of the answer.

Life never gets old. No matter how much I learn, I'll never experience tomorrow before today.