Heartburn

The future. Why does everything in "the now" have to do with "the future"? Why can't our paths stay stationary to where we set our feet?

I heard a friend of mine this week express his frustrations about how high school was all about doing well in college. Now that he's been in college for a while, he's increasingly burdened with the fact that college is all about what happens after college. On the surface. It's like we're running on a treadmill as hard, as fast as we can. But the reality is, we're running and getting nowhere. There's another stretch ahead of us. Just when we think we've made it to our destination, there's another surprise "limbo land" that's going to happen before we really make it there. It's never ending. It's frustrating. It's confusing. It's painful.

I had an awesome conversation with one of my best friends here. We talked about the relentless question, "what am I doing here?" There are times I feel like I missed having that question... my life is a little different than most when it comes to college. I'm a little bit on the fast track. But this friend of mine talked to me about how much she's just absolutely burdened with a desire to be pursuing something she feels might not be available to her here at Greenville.

Through talking with this girl tonight, I think God revealed something about Himself to me. God breathes vision into people. Ok wow, profound, right? Try to stay with me though. I think God breathes into our spirits far ahead of the time that the visions will be fulfilled. That statement may not be altogether surprising either... but consider the truth to this. Also consider the pain that comes with it. Anticipation is one of the most painful things we can experience in the fact that it is a burning desire that is yet to be fulfilled. This girl talked to me for some time about what she feels desperate to see fulfilled in her heart. The passions she has, the longings she has, the dreams she's had for as long as she can remember. God has crafted some extreme anticipation in her for this stuff He's put in her. And being on the outside of this situation, it was so easy to see.

It started to really come together for me as I sat and listened to my friend. God begins a work in us often times far before the work is to be completed. He brings such anticipation in us for things He is doing. It feels like a terrible burden.

But you know what? We don't have to sit in agony with a burning anticipation. We don't need a prescription to dull the pain of the current "to be continued" stamp on our dreams.

I think that we need to be feeding the desires and dreams He puts in us. The truth is, much of our lives will be in "the mean time." Much of our lives will be in between whatever it is we're "anticipating." And if we let the anticipation erode within us, we're just going to whither away. Seriously... it's too painful to be waiting and waiting while having a heart that is fully welled with anticipation for the "end result." For example, I love ministry. I love singing and playing for worship. I love speaking. I love ministering to people. I love the people in the church. I have a heart for Christians. That's not everybody's heart here. Some people are more called to people who aren't Christians. That's awesome. But my heart is focused a little differently. So my point is this.

I cannot relax in the fact that I'm still in college, and I'm not working full time in a church right now. That's not going to work well with the acidic desires of my heart. It gives me heartburn. My heart aches to be fed. I have got to be feeding these desires in my heart, exercising the joints of my dreams.

Bottom line: the anticipation that we've been given FROM GOD, is going to kill us if we don't feed it. We'll become bitter in the fact that we're only anticipating and not experiencing what we're waiting for.

If you're waiting to be done the anticipation season to fully experience, you won't. Because life keeps going. And when you "experience" one end result, you're only going to be on another road somewhere new.

1 Corinthians 2:14 says, "The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. "

This passage goes on to say that we have the "mind of Christ." We have the ability to understand the things of the Holy Spirit. But we also coexist with our own hearts. Our own flawed, misunderstanding, emotional, human hearts. Sometimes we interpret things of the Spirit incorrectly. Like anticipation. We feel frustrated, confused, and hurt by it. When really, it's something beautiful, and wonderful in the Spirit. It's breathed into us with a purpose. An expectation. A preparing. A pouring into us that will make us ready for the greatness of what is to come. An eagerness to accept and pursue the feeding of those desires so that we'll be ready for more as time goes on. It's not bad. It's good.

And one last thing. The constant worry that we're missing something while we anticipate... well, where we are is where God is also. I don't think we exactly "miss Him." He IS where we are. We can't miss Him. So... I don't know about you, but that helps me sleep at night. Which is something I think I need to do now. Sweet Dreams Greenville.